Delivery Life

Tuesday, March 6th

2007-03-09T07:31:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Imogen Heap

Delivered to: 3

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgements Passed: 0

Conversations had: 0

Things Devoured: 0

Things Learnt: Nothing, which is okay. As long as I am willing to learn.

Memorable Moments: There was a cat that I came across that had a very strange looking eye. One of it's pupils was not circular, it was more of a wide, squiggily line that ran from the middle of its eye to the bottom right corner. It was a little strange, but I pet it anyway.

One of the people I delivered to was standing in their doorway waiting for me because one of their neighbours was working on their truck with their music blasting. The person I delivered to did not seem happy and they described their neighbour as an "A-hole with too much coke." I didn't know what to say. "Yeah, too much coke'll do that to you every time." I just smiled and nodded, gave them their delivery and politely left. When in doubt, leave.

Animals Pet: 4

Days Left: 7

Monday, March 5th

2007-03-09T07:26:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Keane

Delivered to: 5

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed: 1

Things Devoured: Zip.

Things Learnt: People actually play underwater hockey as a competetive sport. I think there should be a limit to what we call sports and claim as our creative brainchild. I can't just say, hey, tennis on the moon. Good idea, and now it is my idea. No one else may develop a tennis on the moon league. The location something is played does not change the sport just the stakes.

Memorable Moment: I don't know. I didn't write anything down. Probably reading and being done.

Days left: 8, because I miss one day next week.

Currently Reading: Lord Foul's Bane by Stephen R. Donaldson. I had to take a break from "The Idiot." I can only read it in smaller chunks.

Friday, March 2nd

2007-03-09T07:14:00.000-08:00

Listened to: A bunch of mixed CD's that I had not written down anything that was on them. So, I needed to listen and take notes as to what songs there were. Very dangerous while on the road. No crashes, though. I will highlight some of the artists/songs from said CD's. Go West (not the song but the band. Google them, they rule), Pet Shop Boys, that song from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure when they're standing in the future with Billy the Kid and Socrates and all the future people start air guitaring, Turtle Power (rap from the original movie), John Mayer, random future pop groups, You Can Call me All, Billy Joel, Wang Chung and so on. It was a good day for music. However, Afganada, a radio drama which I did not originally like and have grown to like, was replaced by Canada Reads, some debate about what book is best featuring musicians and other quasi-famous Canadians defening their favorite book. Didn't listen.

Delivered to: 33

Conversations had: 2

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed: 0

Things Devoured: Footlong Spicy Italian Sub on Honey Oat, water, gum

Things Learnt: Cancer lowers hemoglobens, I think.

Memorable Moments: It was a very circular day. In one resthome, or whatever they're called, there was a circle of old ladies, in a room that I passed by, playing with a balloon. They were all hitting it into the air to each other in the circle and they were having fun. It is a fun activity, it was just something I did not expect to see a group of older ladies doing. Then, as I left another building there was a drum circle outside of the funeral home. I thought it was neat.

My most memorable moment of them all was quitting. Oh, it has been a long time coming. And it felt good to say that I will not be doing this job anymore. I think it's the first time I've technically been able to quit a job. All the rest I've had have just ended. It was pretty awesome. Two more weeks.

Jobs I will no longer be doing: This one.

Thursday, March 1st

2007-03-09T07:12:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle

Delivered to: 4

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed: 0

Things Devoured: 0

Things Learnt: 0

Memorable Moments: 0

Overall Feeling of the Day: Booooorrrrrrrring!

Wednesday, February 28th

2007-03-09T07:03:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Bloc Party (the new album which is very good, if you like that style of music, which I have no idea what it's called)

Delivered to: 9

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed: 1

Things Devoured: Grande Decaf Americano

Things Learnt: The Bees of the world are disappearing, which ia apparently bad. Suites me fine. Little creatures that get so angry at a person they sting them, which leads to their death and they know it but they still do it have no place in a "civilized" world, if you ask me. But apparently they pollinate a lot of our food, up to one third of all food in the world, so I guess that's a big deal. Whatever.

Memorable Moments: There were four kids walking down the street. Three older boys and one younger girl. One of the boys had the girls backpack and was pretending to throw it over hedges, out into the street and so on while she was jumping up and down, running around trying to get it. Eventually, he just threw it behind them a bit and then she ran back, grabbed it and ran back to the boys, walking along beside them, smiling the whole time. Here is my interpretation. One of those three boys was the older brother of that girl. She likes one of his friends. His friend likes the fact that she likes him, but only because it means he will be looked upon as cool for harrassing her by his other two friends. So, the backpack thing was not a cry from him saying, "Little girl, I love you that is why I am doing this" it was probably more like, "Hey guys, look at what I can get this stupid little girl to do." And she loved it. Girls, let me tell you, guys are stupid and will probably, for a very long chunk in their early lives, do anything to impress their friends. We are insecure and need validation. Please don't be like this.

Rants gone on: 1

Tuesday, Feb. 27th

2007-03-06T17:56:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle, and for some reason I have in brackets the words "Mother Mother." I am guessing it may be a band or an expression of some unfathomable emotion.

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed: 2 (even on my birthday I'm judgmental. What a jerk.)

Things Devoured: Nothing but loneliness. Actually, that night there were mass amounts of sushi eaten by myself, my wife and two close friends while watching "Idiocracy", a dumb but funny flick.

Things Learnt: KFC is attempting to get the Pope to bless, not just approve of but bless, their new fish sandwich as a way for Lent observers to eat quickly and conveniently but still follow "No Meat Fridays." I feel it is somewhat of a stretch.

Memorable Moments: Sadly, none.

Currently Reading: "The Idiot" by Fyodor Dostoevsky.

Friday, February 23rd

2007-03-06T17:49:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Snow Patrol, Afganada, Freestyle, Mixed CD (used for inspiration for writing)

Delivered to: 35

Conversations had: 2

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed: 2

Things Devoured: Something at Subway but I didn't write it down and I don't have that good of a memory. Probably a Subway Melt with cookies and pop, though.

Things Learnt: A fellow by the name of Amos Lee could be a good musician. One song sounded good.

Memorable Moments: There was a young lasy who I passed by on the street that had a leash in her hand but I couldn't see what it was that she was walking. It was too small. So, my expectations were raised that it was some cute little puppy that she was walking. As I passed by and was able to see what in fact she was walking, it turned out to be small and fuzzy but it was not a puppy. It was a ferret. Weird. Somewhat cool but weird.

There was the most disgusting smell I have ever smelt in my life in the stairway that led to an apartment room I needed to deliver to. I don't even know how to describe it. On the second flight there were wet spots, indicating that someone had peed/discharged some mystery fluid/leaked something out of a garbage bag. It was gross. It actually reminded me of a time when some friends on a break from working at a camp found a squirtgun and filled it with whatever leftover, disgusting fluids that were in the fridge of one of the friends homes. We had plans to drive by and squirt someone but we could not bring ourself to do it. A sad moment.

Friday, February 16th

2007-02-16T18:20:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Afganada, Freestyle, Static in Stereo, Age of Electric, Limblifter. I found myself in a "Todd Kerns" mood today for music. Also Ryan Dahle. They are much better together, I feel. It was very much a Vancouver indie-grunge-rock feel in my car today. If anybody knows what I'm talking about, that will help me not feel as old and dorky as I do now.

Delivered to: 30

Conversations had: 4

Moments of Awkwardness: 0 (one thing about this job, it has really prepared me to fact the gamete of awkward situations that life may throw at me. I give "mad props" to it for that)

Judgments passed: 2

Things Devoured: One Footlong Subway Melt on Wheat, 2 White Chocolate Macadamia Nut cookies, Three medium size diet coke, one grande Kenya blend, two pieces of gum

Things Learnt: My memory for music is far more advanced than I care to admit. I had not listened to a CD for, probably, three years. Before then, I did not listen to it much. Today, I was able to sing along to it without hearing the song and knowing when the lead singer changed the melody or used harmony. It was sad.

The adventure continues: There is no blood in her stool, but she is gassy*

There is something in existence called a "Doomsday Vault." It is used to store seeds of all storable vegetation and plant life in a safe place just in case some sort of disaster strikes. Not as cool as I thought it was going to be when I heard someone say "Doomsday Vault."

Memorable Moments: I delivered to a house next to a graveyard. There were cars parked all around the graveyard, so I thought there was a funeral. I got excited. I's never seen a funeral or a gathering in remembrance in a graveyard before. Only on the movies. Alas, there were no people in the graveyard. There was also a school nearby so the cars must have been there for some special school event. Bah. At least no one died. I guess.

Percentage of Notebook I use to Take Notes that got Covered with a Coffee Stain Today: 35%

*for clarification, see previous blogs

Thursday, February 15th

2007-02-16T18:16:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Evidence that Demands a Verdict, K-OS

Delivered to: 10

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed: 1

Things Devoured: Nothin'

Things Learnt: People who have the last name Tickle are not necesarily jovial by nature

Memorable Moments: I was sitting in my car, recording another person delivered to, and it started to rain. My stereo had not come on yet and the sound of the rain falling on my metal, or tin, whatever cars are made out of, roof. It was calming. I have missed the rain.

Thought: If your house is around 100 feet away from the road and someone driving on said road can see clearly what it is that you are watching on TV through your living room window, your TV may be too big. Our culture is stupid.

Wednesday, February 14th

2007-02-15T12:39:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Matt Redman

Delivered to: 7

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed: 2

Things Devoured: Nada

Things Learnt: People are lonely

Memorable Moments: I turned down this side street that I often take to get to a group of retirement-type homes and there was this old man walking along the side of the road. As soon as I turned onto the road, he stopped, crossed his arms, began looking upset/constipated and just watched me come up to him, pass him and then, as I saw in my rearview mirror, drive away. I was not speeding, I was not swearing, I do not have dirty pictures on my car, I was not playing my music very loudly and my car is not fancy. Strange.

There is a man who often goes into dumpsters looking for anything useful who wanders around town with a shopping cart. I have seen him often and he is always alone. Today, there was a lady with a shopping cart walking with him. It was sweet. Happy Valentines Day, buddy.

During my drive to my last delivery of the day, the sky looked as though it were on fire. It was this beautiful orange and pink colour all over. It was a nice end to a fairly easy day.

Valentines Received: 0, which is okay. I don't think my wife would appreciate me receiving valentines from someone other than her. Plus, I know that I'm loved. I don't need cards to tell me, often anyway. Only sometimes.

Tuesday, February 13th

2007-02-15T12:35:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Martha Wainright

Delivered to: 3

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed: 4 (most coming within the last half hour, as usual)

Things Devoured: One Grande Americano (are we sensing a theme to what it is I devour?)

Things Learnt: Lawnmower = bad Valentines gift

Memorable Moments: There is a family that I deliver to often, about once or twice a week. They have a dog that doesn't get out much and is kind of fat. She is a Lab, I think. Anyway, she has gotten to know me and always brings her ball over to me whenever I come because I kicked it once and she thought I was playing with her. So, now I have started playing with her. What can I say? I'm a sucker for dogs.

Frightening and Unnatural Noises Made by my Car: 4

Monday, February 12th

2007-02-15T12:29:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Evidence that Demands a Verdict by Josh McDowell

Delivered to: 5

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed: 0

Things Devoured: One Grande Sumatra, a stick of gum

Things Learnt: Further adventures and developments in the wonderful land of Diarrhea from the old lady. She needs to see a surgeon about it. I can't imagine that's good at all. I also can't/don't want to imagine what that would be about.

Memorable Moments: There was this little white, yappy dog that came out of a house and just sat by my car as I was trying to leave. It disappeared as I was backing up and I didn't want to run it over, so I opened up the door to see where it was. Then it tried to get in the open door but I didn't want to steal it from its owner. That probably wouldn't reflect well on the people I deliver for. So, I had to back out of the driveway, door open, watching the dog and the rearview mirror the whole time. People should learn the concept of leashes. Or fences.

Currently Reading: The Thousandfold Thought by R. Scott Bakker

Semitrucks that I passed as I Drove from One End of Town to the Other (Which took Eight Minutes): 25. Apparently five thirty is the optimum travel time for giant trucks.

Friday, Feb. 9th

2007-02-11T08:47:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Married life in the Spirit by Stuart Briscoe (he is an elderly British chap who is teaching through the book of Ephesians. It's awesome.), Afganada (which I have now started to like), Bloc Party (the new one. Boo ya!), Freestyle on CBC radio

Deliverd to: 26

Conversations had: 2

Moments of Awkwardness: 3

Judgments Passed: 5

Things Devoured: One Footlong Subway Melt on Honey Oat, Two White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookies, Three Fountain Drinks of Diet Coke, One Grande Decaf Americano, a stick of gum

Learnt: All about a certain old persons adventures in the wonderful land of Diarrhea.

Webster's defines diarrhea as 1. Abnormally frequent intestinal evacuations with more or less fluid stools and 2. Excessive flow. If you went with definition number two, there could be a lot more things that have diarrhea than just the norm. That strikes me as interesting. "Hey look, the river sure has diarrhea this week." I like definition number one, mostly because it has the word 'evacuation' in it.

Memorable Moments: I was told by one of my regular Friday deliverees that underneath my smooth exterior (which was my first point of confusion) there is a thug wanting to break free. He then called his girlfriend (or who I assume was his girlfriend) over and asked her if she thought that. Clearly high, she said "F*** Yeah. Then put her fist out for me to pound and said her name was Brandee. I half-heartedly offered my own fist and name in reply. I was then told by the deliveree that they needed to get me into the gangster rap scene. But not the new stuff, like 50 and whatnot. That's for old women. But Tupac and Biggie. I disagreed by saying the message was too negative. He then told me that it was real life and how can real life be negative. I still disagreed. But I smiled, was friendly, because he is a nice guy, and went back to Battlecat where I continued to listen to "Married Life in the Spirit" by Stuart Briscoe. Fascinating.

Evacuation: Something evacuated or discharged

Evacuate: To remove the contents of: Empty; to withdraw from military occupation of.

Thursday, Feb. 8th

2007-02-11T08:44:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Church Life in the Spirit by Stuart Briscoe, Lincoln Brewster

Delivered to: 11

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed: 2

Things Devoured: Nothing, except for maybe a bug and some humble pie.

Learnt: Nothing. The best kind of days.

Memorable Moments: I once again had to deliver to the Hospital. Not just the pharmacy, which is on the main floor and very simple to get to. I had to take the elevator, wander down a couple of hallways and then get to the main desk where there were lots of nurses and patients hanging around. I saw a person on a gurney. They actually do that. Who knew?

Diseases Caught: So far, nothing. And I don't think you can catch crazy.

Tuesday, Feb. 6th (Back Again)

2007-02-07T10:12:00.000-08:00

I decided I should once again update. It has been awhile. I will not go back and review what I have done. I will just start afresh. Here we go.

Delivered to: 4

Listened to: Collective Soul, We are Scientists

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed: 1

*New: Things Devoured: Fruit Source plus Veggie fruit bar, Grande Gold Coast Coffee

Things Learnt: There are people in the world who do not understand what loading zones are for. They are not called waiting zones and they are mostly two spots large so that two people can stop there, not so one douchebag can fill up both spots.

Car detailing involves things I never thought it actually involved. It sounds quite meticulous. Thanks Sheldon.

Memorable Moments: Receiving Battlecat back from Toyota after he got rearended thanks to an idiot pedestrian and a tailgating, non-attention paying driver. I had to drive a PT Cruiser around for a week. I did not like. It was glorious to be reunited with my faithful steed.

Currently Reading: The Warrior-Prophet by R. Scott Bakker

Notable Books I Read While My Blog was Silent: I read a lot over the last little while as I have rediscovered my love for reading. I would like to highlight some of my favorites.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safron Foer; Gates of Fire by Steven Pressfield (thanks Lorne); The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero; Eragon by Christopher Paolini; The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky; The Question of God by Dr. Armand M. Nicholi, Jr.; A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore.

I enjoyed these books immensely. Take that for what it's worth.

Tuesday, Nov. 14th

2006-11-14T18:08:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Jars of Clay, All Points West (for, like, five minutes by accident)

Delivered to: 10

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 2 (One really, but it was so awkward I counted it as two)

Judgments Passed: 5 (oooohh)

Things Learnt: Judgments flow more freely when I am in a hurry.

Memorable Moments: While I was accidently listening to All Points West, I was in a large hurry to get back to homebase for my deliveries on time. So, in my hurry, this country song (a bad country song, I might add) came on that talked about slowing down. I said no and why. Then the song said that there was a person asking why we should slow down. I understodd the song and agree with it. Life is quite quickly paced and soon everyone will just drop dead but I needed to get back to pick up my last two deliveries, deliver them and get to play practice on time. So there country song!

There is one older (about 100) lady who I deliver to and every time I deliver to her, she makes me dance with her. She says I need to learn. It kind of makes me feel uncomfortable as she grabs my hand, tells me to count to three and move around. So I just stand there. Then she asks me what's wrong with kids today. I said I don't really know, maybe we're in a hurry. Then she told me to breathe and enjoy life. I think I do. I just don't enjoy dancing with a hundred year old lady. I don't think I'm alone there.

Abuse Taken: 1 (I have decided to change this category, as of tomorrow. I know it didn't last very long but it's not what I want to portray on my blog. I will transition it tonight with the new, or slightly different, category. I had a personal revelation that the worst part about being a delivery person for me is not the abuse. At least that is some sort of response. I find that indifference is the worst, not even being treated nicely or horribly, just ignored. So now, the category will be...)

Indifference Experienced: 2

Abuse Given to Battlecat (My faithful steed who in no way deserves abuse. He deserves oil baths and antifreeze kisses): Too many quick accelerations and brakings. Sorry.

Friday, Nov. 10th

2006-11-14T14:46:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Killers, Keane, Freestyle

Delivered to: 33

Conversations had: 3

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed: 4

Things Learnt: Old age is not for sissies.

Memorable Moments: One retirement centre that I was delivering to was in the middle of having what looked to be a Pep Rally. They were talking about all of the great things that this retirement centre had to offer which was followed by cheers and applause. The only point which I heard on my way to the elevator was that they were allowed to drink alcohol in their rooms. Huzzah!

Abuse Taken: 2

Oil Burned: Too much, as Battlecat (my faithful steed) is getting quite worm down.

Thursday, Nov. 9th

2006-11-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed: 1

Things Learnt: There is a band that sounds really good out there, at least one of their songs does, called Greenwich Mean Time. I haven't googled them yet but fully plan on doing it.

I do not like Traditional Japanese Folk Pop Funk Music. The sound does not appeal to my senses.

Memorable Moments: There is a musician/performer from Vancouver who also works as a cremationist. Interesting combo but it makes sense in a strange way. There was a song of his played though called "West Van Girl" and the lyrics made me laugh. One line said, "West Van girl, may I whisper East Van things in your ear?" Harmless enough, if not kind of cheesy. But the whole time I just kept thinking of these guy whispering these song lyrics into the ear of this dead girl before she was about to get cremated. It was weird.

I am adding a new category. I have discovered being a delivery person, that delivery people are not always treated with the highest regard. Surprise, surprise. I think there are two schools of people when it comes to how to treat delivery people. One is the person that is very grateful as they feel as if they are putting the delivery person out of their way by getting them to deliver. These people are nice, even if they don't quite understand that delivering is the point of a delivery job. The other school is one that mistreats the driver because they are already doing exactly what they ask, why not see what else they will stoop themselves to. So, I have decided to include a new category directly following this paragraph.

Abuse Taken: 2

Monday, Nov. 6th

2006-11-09T14:16:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle

Delivered to: 8

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed: 0

Things Learnt: I respond the same to any apartment building intercom systems. I have decided next week to grab my digital voice recorder, record my two or three responses to said intercom devices onto the recorder and play those into the intercom instead of speaking. I will let you know about the results.

Memorable Moments: Being finished.

Book Reading: I am adding a new category. The reasons are that I would like to read more and if I am posting about what I am reading, I will be able to see how long I have spent on a certain book. I will post at the beginning of each week my book for that week.
This week: Straken by Terry Brooks. A part of the High Druid of Shannara Trilogy. Make fun if you will. It doesn't phase me.

Friday, Nov. 3rd

2006-11-09T14:04:00.000-08:00

I have not updated in a while but I have been keping track for a long time. It has now arrived at an overwhelming point if I were to try and write down all that I've kept track of, so I will start with my most recent ones and that is all I will do.

Listened to: K-OS, BC Almanac (which surprised me because I really hate this show), some radio drama about soldiers in Afganistan that replaced one of my favourite shows (I do not like it), Pete Yorn, Freestyle, All Points West (it was a CBC radio day)

Delivered to: 33

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed: 4

Things Learnt: My favourite radio show, Monsoon House, about an Indo-Canadian family that run a publishing company and all the hijinx that result, is now over. Replaced by the aforementioned war drama. I am unhappy.

There is a new pitcher coming out of Japan that can apparently throw a Gyro Ball, an elusive pitch that does strange things that no one has been able to master yet. There is a reported bidding war going on between baseball teams of around $30 million just to talk with the guy. I bet the Yankees get him.

There is a dessert called "Fried Coke" which is a deep fried (Surprise!) donut type thing that tastes like Coca Cola. It's from America's South. Shocker.

Memorable Moments: There is a lady I deliver to every Friday who I end up chatting with for awhile each time I deliver to her. She is always a highlight of my day. I don't know how it came up, but I was able to tell her that she was always one of the highlights of my Friday deliveries. It felt nice to say that.

My regular lunch compadre, my dear and close friend Brent, was not able to make it for lunch this Friday. He was going to a Women of Faith Conference. Good friend, confused guy. Anyway, because of him not being there, I was able to have a nice lunch of sushi with my wife after she had her therapeutic massage. It was good to have lunch with her. We talked, ate stuff and enjoyed each other's company. Then we went to the Starbuck's drive-thru which I will never do again. Not because they were bad, but because it defeats the purpose of the coffee shop experience. For me, anyway.

At one house I delivered to, when the door was opened, I was greeted by a nice older lady and a waft of pot smoke. I found humour there.

Oh, and my friend Brent actually was driving his wife and their friend down to the conference. He's not confused. About that, anyway. Sorry Brent. Like you even read this.

Wednesday, September 13th

2006-10-04T14:15:00.000-07:00

Listened to: First 14 chapters of the Gospel of John, Freestyle

Delivered to: 10

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed: Like 7, all on co-workers of my delivery job, which is unfair because it was a very stressful day in the ol' office place.

Things Learnt: The water to wine passage found in John 2 has an interesting connection (I think, it struck me this way anyway) to us passing from law to life. The fellow at the wedding says about the wine Jesus transformed, "You have saved the best for last." Jesus took water, something good, and changed it into wine, something better for the context of a wedding celebration. The Biblical law is something that was put into place and was good, still is good, but Jesus is better. And just like at the wedding, God has saved the best for last with sending his Son to us. Why not do it as soon as Adam and Eve sinned? I don't know. To us, it makes little sense. But he has saved the best for last.

Memorable Moments: It rained. I like rain.

Gas passed: Eight (eight what? I'll leave that up to you, the reader, to decide)

Intermission

2006-10-02T21:11:00.000-07:00

There's two new ones. I need to get back to work so that will have to tide whoever actually reads this thing over until tomorrow, or the next day, when I will release more. Oooooooooooo! Aaaaahhhhh!

Tuesday, Sept. 12th

2006-10-02T21:06:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, North by NorthWest (which I usually don't listen to but they were talking about wine, so I listened), a mixed CD of worship music

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0, for me. Maybe more for others. I like to think I don't create much awkwardness but a truly awkward person would probably think the same thing, so who knows?

Judgments Passed: 2 (There's always something to write here. Maybe I should work on that.)

Things Learnt: I learned much about the red wine called Merlot. Fast forward to today and I have forgotten it all.

Memorable Moments: I went to Gourmet Greens, our local vegetable produce store (great store, by the way) and purchased some "Gourmet Greens" and oranges and reds, I think. The lady asked me if I had brought my bags this day. I was surprised as I am not a regular of this store but she remembered that I occasionally brought my own grocery bags. It was kind of neat. I had to say no, though. I'm very inconsistent. What a great impression to make.

Bad Impressions Made: Only God knows.

Monday, Sept. 11th

2006-10-02T21:01:00.000-07:00

I found out I have a few recorded that I did not post from a few weeks back. I'll see if my notes help me at all.

Listened to: Traffic noises and myself

Delivered to: 4

Conversations had: Other than with myself, 0

Moments of Awkwardness: None that I noticed.

Judgments Passed: 3

Things Learnt: I can actually drive for an hour or more without having to depend on music

Memorable Moments: The whole town smelled like a dirty outhouse that someone threw a dozen stink bombs in. It was gross. Thanks smelly mill that we have.

There was a fellow (older, hence the word fellow) standing outside of the Great Canadian Oil Change with a "Buyer Beware" sign. I was intrigued because I was wondering what people needed to beware of. But, his sign worked. I am a sucker and I will (probably) not go back to the Great Canadian Oil Change. Kudos to you, sir.

Dinosaurs Ridden: 2 in my mind, 1 in reality.

Friday, Sept. 8th

2006-09-10T17:46:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Pete Yorn, some radio Drama/Comedy on CBC that was about an Indo-Canadian family that owned a publishing company (it was pretty good), Mobile, Freestyle on CBC radio

Delivered to: 34

Conversations had: 4

Moments of Awkwardness: 4

Judgments passed: 6

Things Learnt: I don't like it when people waste my time and try to sell me credit cards. I also kind of don't like it when I'm polite and nice to them and apologize to them for wasting their time as I say no to their sale.

I truly enjoy rhyme schemes that are written by people who have English as their second language.

Memorable Moments: There was a truck on the road that was passing by me and as they were passing, the muffler was soloud that I couldn't hear anything. But it was this staggered noise from the muffler making it sound like the truck had beans and coffee in it's system. I don't understand why noises people are generally embarrased to make are considered manly when coming out of a truck.

There was a woman that I passed by as she was walking her stroller. Except there was no baby in it and it made her look as if she had forgotten her baby somewhere. I thought that was pretty funny. I also thought it would be funny when I got old to stroll down the street with an empty baby carriage, talking to it as if there were a baby there and see what people would do. I think it would make life worth living.

One of the people I deliver to got a new guide dog the other day. Today I met him. His name was Tanner and he was a well mannered yellow (almost white) lab. He was a nice dog and I petted him on his soft head. Neato.

Cd's I listened to that I realized I don't really like but still listened to: 1

Thursday, Sept. 7th

2006-09-10T17:42:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Angels and Airwaves, Regina Spektor

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed: 0

Things Learnt: That I should never play with my keys close to the opening doors of an elevator. I came really close to losing them down the shaft.

Stephen Harper has put a bill forward that will reduce the maximum time a senator can be in the Canadian Senate to 8 years. I do not understand much about the Senate but I remember not liking them or thinking that they were worthwhile in Social Studies 9 or 10. So, even though I know very little, I will say that I like this decision and think it is good.

Memorable Moments: None.

Politicians supported that I usually don't: 1

Friday, August 18th

2006-08-19T09:34:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Snow Patrol, A Mixed CD, Madly Off in all Directions, Freestyle, and I really wanted to listen to the Bloc Party Remix album in my car. I listened to it in a store, had my mind blown, decided to price shop at other stores (which I never do) and couldn't find the album again. Stupid town.

Delivered to: 27

Conversations had: 4

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed: 4

Things Learnt: There's a guy that gets shot out of a cannon for his job and he feels lucky. Feel that his job is the best job ever. I lean towards thinking otherwise.

Walking through automatic sliding doors while putting on sunglasses makes me feel uber-cool.

Memorable Moments: I was walking down this long hallway to get back to my car after deliveries and at the other end were these two old ladies with carts coming at me. It was kind of creepy because they were taking up the whole hallway and I felt like they were some type of gang. But they were just sweet, old ladies.

I finished lunch early because the morning was slow so I figured the afternoon would be busy, so I wanted to get an early start. Problem with this is that I got to the apartment with the bathroom too early and I did not need to use it. It was a few minutes later that my body started to signal me of the dire need it was in. I couldn't use the bathroom back at delivery homebase, because everybody uses the same bathroom and it would not be a kind thing to do to the others, if you know what I mean. So, I went right away to my other workplace, which has multiple bathrooms and I used the one less travelled. And that made all the difference. In my bowels. I felt a lot better. Seriously.

New Books Purchased: Two. One called Winkie, about a Teddy Bear the wills itself a live and then gets arrested for being a terrorist and one called You Shall Know our Velocity. I'm not sure what it's about but I like it.

Monday, August 21st

2006-08-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

I did no deliveries on this day. I took the day off as I was in Vancouver with my wife, dropping her off as she was on her way to Mexico for school. I will write some stats about this trip.

Listened to: Mostly David Gray, some Ben Lee as well. Oh, and Jack Johnson (Booorrrrringgg) and somebody that sounded like they really wanted to be Ben Harper. And a girl named...Betsy...Michelle...Tatum. I don't know.

Whales watched: 4

Overpriced Meals Eaten: 4 (2 each)

Outdoor Concerts Attended: 1, featuring Mr. David Gray. One of the best live performers out there. Believe it!

Sea Otters I wish I had Stolen: 3, for the purposes of playing with. The Vancouver Aquarium (where we were, if you hadn't figured that out) frowns on people jumping into the tank, I would imagine. I've never asked.

Time Spent on or waiting for Transit: 2 hours or so.

Walking done: Enough to make my lower back somewhat pinched.

Things Learnt: I can never live in Vancouver

Memorable Moments: The whole thing really. The aquarium, the concert, spending time with my wife's brother and sister-in-law. But I have to say that the weirdest thing was running into pretty much one of the only people that we know in Vancouver as we were getting off the Sky train and he was getting on, at a different door. Vancouver's big. That's not supposed to happen. But it was cool. We got coffee and chatted. He got an Iced Coffee (coffee that is cold but not sweetened for the lay person) even though he doesn't like coffee. There were too many choices and choked at the last second. It was gross. Even I didn't like it and I thoroughly enjoy coffee. It was a good time, though. I will miss my wife. I am currently missing my wife.

Amount of Pot Smoke Smelled: A Buttload.

Friday, August 11th

2006-08-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Ani Difranco, Stereophonics, Madly off in all Directions, Delerious

Delivered to: 24

Conversations had: Only 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 3

Judgments Passed: 2

Things Learnt: Japan has a word, not a phrase, but one word for death from overwork. Itn happens enough in Japan that they have a word for it. I wrote it down but now I can't read it.

The body is an amazing thing. My Friday route is very much the same every week. On top of all of my deliveries being the same from week to week, I also have lunch at the same place, at the same time, usually with a friend of mine, when he shows up or can make it. I have now found that my body has been trained now. Right after lunch, which I finish at 2 (I have a lot of time to waste on Fridays), I go to an apartment building to deliver to two or three people. In the lobby, there is a washroom. My body now knows that I go to this washroom after I have done my deliveries and begins to signal to me that it is nearing time to, for lack of a better word, evacuate. This is just interesting to me. The body can be trained. I guess it's not much of a surprise considering meal times, amounts of exercise a person is used to, yada yada yada. Anyway, it was neat to me.

Memorable Moments: As I arrived at my work place, I thought I walked passed someone in the parking lot that I knew. They were backing out of their spot. So I waved at them, twice. The second time I waved, they smiled and waved back. It was then that I noticed it was not someone that I knew. It was nice of him to smile and wave though. I felt dumb.

I heard a song title on the radio called "Kitten vs. Pegasus" which is the coolest name I think I've ever heard. Except for one other title about a kitten but I think that was an album title my friend Ian told me about. The Pegasus would totally win that battle, by the way. No contest.

There is a house I deliver to every now and then that has been near impossible to get back to the door. The foliage and greenery was just growing like mad and taking over the whole place. Today, I had to go there and, to my surprise, I found that everything had been cut and trimmed. It looked great. When I got to the back though, there were squishy, moldy apricots all over the ground. While stepping on rotten fruit is not as bad as poo on your shoe, it's still undesirable. So, I had to tiptoe (literally) through this rotten apricot maze just to get this delivery to it's recipient. Then tiptoe back out. I wish I could recommend to people that they clean their yard. But, alas.

On-purpose Moments of Jerkiness: 3. I decided that I would attempt to be a jerk today. I don't know why. Probably because I'm usually not and thought that it might be fun. I wasn't going to be a jerk to co-workers or people that I delivered to. It was to be to others. It was hard. And completely against what I believe and against my nature. But I did three things, from my point of view. I probably didn't do any. I think I purposefully drove really slow for a bit, or turned out of somewhere a long while after I could have. I also opened window blinds that were closed and counted that. Savage. Anyway, I won't do this again but neat experiment.

Thursday, August 10th

2006-08-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

Listened to: David Gray, Freestyle, Ani Difranco

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed: 2

Things Learnt: Nada

Memorable Moments: For some reason, I decided that I wanted to get up to my delivery on the seventh floor of an apartment building quickly. So, I went to the stairwell, an enclosed gray slab of concrete that smelled funny. And I sprinted up the stairs. By the time I got to floor six, I nearly passed out and fell back down two flights. But I stopped running and walked up the last flight. Then I trotted back down, after the delivery.

Messages Received that I am out of Shape: 2 or 3

Wednesday, August 9th

2006-08-10T15:12:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Snow Patrol

Delivered to: 2

Conversations had: 0 (surprise, surprise)

Moments of Awkwardness: 1 (involving care workers and bugging them on their break. I always feel bad about that.)

Things Learnt: Canadians favorite driving song (song that one listens to while driving) is "Summer of '69" by Canada's own Bryan (not Ryan) Adams.

I am ashamed of my country for their favorite driving song. "Life is a Highway" by a good Canadian boy didn't even make the list of top seven. Who even does a top seven list?

Memorable Moments: Sadly, what I just talked about.

Time spent thinking of other better driving songs: the rest of my route

Songs Discovered that are better for driving to: about a bazillion

Tuesday, August 8th

2006-08-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

I have taken a break, a very long one. I hadn't been recording any of the details of this job for a long time but I decided to once again. So, once again, I will update my blog.

Listened to: Freestyle, Dashboard Confessional, Keane (the new one!), Snow Patrol

Delivered to: 10

Kilometres Driven: 96

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed on Others: 0 (a good start for this new phase of blogging)

Things Learnt: The band Arrested Development sued the TV station that put Arrested Development on the air for name rights or some garbage like that. This is a hard situation because "Mr. Wendall" and "Everyday People" and "Tennesee" were all good songs. But the TV show was pretty much the funniest show ever. The best cast. I'm unsure as to who I would side with. So, like all important decisions in life, I will choose whatever side Malcolm Jamal Warner chooses. Such is life.

Memorable Moments: This one was from last Friday but it was so cool, I had to post it for this day. I have mentioned that I have sighted quasi-celebrities from our local radio stations and whatnot. Today, there was a REAL celeb spotting. I didn't notice them though. It was my friend Ian. We were sitting in Subway with Brent and Ian says, "Hey, it's Shane Doan (or some other roughly equivocal expression)." So I turned and saw this huge guy with a kid and they were getting sandwiches. Apparently, he's some sort of hockey player. I would not want to skate against the man, that's all I can say.

There was this house I delivered to in the outskirts of town. It was a fairly dry climate and the lawn had not been watered for awhile. As I stepped beside the lawn, I swear the entire thing just seemed to jump in different directions and scatter. It was full of grasshoppers, more than I've ever seen. It was kind of cool. Then, on my way out, the lawn jumped again but there were some that were headed in the direction of my car. And Battlecat had his windows open. So, I spent the next little while driving down the highway with a few grasshoppers staring at me in my rear view mirror and hopping to different exotic locales within my car. I stopped at a gas station and shooed them all out. But now they're all seperated from their families. Sucks to be them.

Tears Shed: One single, dramatic tear down the right side of my face, which I wiped off and gave to the grasshopper as a symbol of my sorrow. He just jumped away, forsaking my gift. Monster.

Wednesday, May 31st

2006-06-01T08:38:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Angels and Airwaves

Delivered to: 4

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed: 1

Things Learnt: Korean smokers must quit smoking if they want to go to college or university. It is not allowed by their friendly dictator.

Memorable Moments: Find a good costume in like a minute so that Brendon can dress up as the senior pastor of our church for his going away party.

Errands Ran: 4

Tuesday, May 30th

2006-06-01T08:34:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, David Crowder

Delivered to: 3

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed: 3

Things Learnt: James Blount is annoying and has been banned from some radio stations in the UK simply because he is annoying and people are tired of him. I say, good on you.

In some parliaments, if you want to stop a bill from being passed, you can eat it, literally. By taking the piece of paper it is written on and jam it into your gullet. I feel that Canada should look into this for the future.

Memorable Moments: Uh, reading my book.

Minutes spent in Starbucks: 58

Monday, May 29th

2006-06-01T08:23:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Stars, Freestyle

Delivered to: 4

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed: 1

Things Learnt: A polar fleece is the best symbol of what defines Canada as a country.

Reality TV is starting to cause rises in confrontation around the world, specifically in the UK.

I look huggable to some.

Memorable Moments: Some guy wandered up to me and asked if I wanted to buy a digital camera. Then he showed it to me. It looked nice. His asking price was forty dollars. Hmmm. That's fairly cheap for a good camera. Maybe he had a better one and just wanted to make a bit of money off this lesser camera. But when I said no, he quickly hid it in his jacket and slinked, is the best word for it, off to find another customer. I think he stole it. It was a good deal though. And I was tempted for a period of time. Just to be honest.

I was sent to London Drugs to get a package of q-tips. Easy enough. It seriously took me around ten minutes to find the stupid things in the store. I looked everywhere about 3 times, except of course for the one place that they were. How does it make sense that q-tips are found in the baby aisle? How? It doesn't to me, but I don't know much about babies nor like them so maybe it makes sense to others. To me, it's stupid.

Other things that could make a better symbol of what Canada is as a country: Maple stuff, toques, hockey (unfortunately), hep C, Tim Hortons coffee, a rock, cheese. I don't know, lots of stuff. a polar fleece. Racists.

Friday, May 26th

2006-06-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Snow Patrol (I'm on a real kick for this group. They're awesome!), Madly off in all Directions, We are Scientists (another of my faves), Freestyle

Delivered to: 31

Conversations had: 4

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed: 5

Things Learnt: It would appear that I am a predictable person in some areas of life. Specifically, what I order from Subway as the person at the till knew my sub just by seeing that it was me. I am unsure as to how I feel about this. Part of me desires to rebel against predictability just for the sake of not being predictable. The rest of me is fine with it, comforted really. We'll see which wins out.

For men, 1 drink of alchohol a day reduces the chance of serious heart disease by 41%. Hm.

Memorable Moments: For a large chunk of the day, I was watching the sky sort of fight between sunny and cloudy. For a while there, it was divided in half and the clouds were approaching the sun like it was some type of war. Then I got lost in thought about how cool that would be, but did not crash my car. I was still able to pay attention to the rules of the road. Except for no rolling stops. Who obeys that?

I need to write this more often as I have two memorable moments that make no sense to me. One simply says big dog, which I can only assume had something to do with one heck of a big dog. The other says knitting, tv and tape. Honestly, no idea. It baffles me to no end, but I think it may have something to do with the radio show Freestyle and something they were talking about. Well, like it or live it.

Ratio of conversations to awkward moments: 2 to 1. That's a good day. And a record I think. I usually always have more awkward moments than conversations. Apparently, I am getting to be more at ease around my delivery people.

Thursday, May 25th

2006-06-01T08:09:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Snow Patrol

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 3

Judgments Passed: 4

Things Learnt: It is a frustrating thing when people do not do the jobs they are required to do.

Memorable Moments: Apparently there was some mistake that was made in a dining room, as that is what I wrote down, expecting that it was so memorable, I could never forget it. Now I have. So there.

Smells smelled: A number of exotic type scents, ranging from a faint rotten orange juice to, again, thinned out poop that seemed to have been spread onto the walls of an apartment building. Glorious.

Wednesday, May 24th

2006-06-01T08:06:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Angels and Airwaves

Delivered to: 5

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed: 5

Things Learnt: Video games are something that actually help surgical doctors with their skills at cutting and whatever else it is they do.

Memorable Moments: none

Rolling Stops Perpetrated: 8, at the least. Everybody is guilty of these.

Friday, May 19th

2006-05-19T19:25:00.000-07:00

Listened to: David Crowder, Madly off in all Directions, Snow Patrol, Freestyle, some Pentecostal preacher

Delivered to: 30

Conversations had: 2

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgements Passed on Others: 8

Things Learnt: Don't whiz on the electric fence.

Memorable Moments: I went to the house where last week I encountered a lone whhelchair with no occupant. Today, a week later, it was the same scene. I'm starting to expect foul play but am too lackadaisical to do anything about it. C'est la vie.

Words I looked up on Merriam-Webster to use in today's blog: 1

Thursday, May 18th

2006-05-19T19:24:00.000-07:00

It was so hot out today that my pen exploded in my car and I had nothing to keep track of my daily happenings with. Plus, because it was so hot, I really didn't want to.

Wednesday, May 17th

2006-05-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Natasha "Say it Aint So" Beddingfield

Delivered to: 4

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on Others: 2

Things Learnt: I do not have rabies

Memorable Moments: I saw a truck drive by me that was clearly a landscaping company truck with writing on the side of it that read "Lawn and Order." Clever. So very, very clever. And really boring, just like the show. Or maybe they use the slogan as a cover up to make them appear like law abiding citizens where they really use the "landscaping" opportunities to get rid of all the people they've offed. Tricky.

Percentage of My Time I Wish my Life was more Exciting than it is: 10

Tuesday, May 16th

2006-05-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Snow Patrol (same as the day before)

Delivered to: 3

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on Others: 0

Things Learnt: 0

Memorable Moments: 0

Hours of life I wasted today: 2

Monday, May 15th

2006-05-19T19:13:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Snow Patrol

Delivered to: 10

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on Others: 5

Things Learnt: I really do not think that all semi-drivers value the sanctity of life.

Memorable Moments: There was this table that I believe came from Earl's the Restaurant that was set up on a meridian in the middle of the road with two girls sitting at it waving at all the traffic. I'm pretty sure that's illegal. I wish I could get away with things just because I was hot. What a great life that would be (sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm).

Giant trucks I saw people driving: Way too many to count in this town.

Friday, May 12th

2006-05-12T20:42:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Mixed Cd's filled with gems of musical genius, Sounds like Canada (or something like that, some new radio show), Madly off in All Directions, Freestyle.

Delivered to: 28

Conversations had: 3

Moments of Awkwardness: 4

Judgments Passed: 8 (take that people of this city!)

Things Learnt: I am truly a small town boy at heart.

For the most part, when left to their own devices, people pretty much exclusively think of themselves.

While I like music with Nintendo noises, I do not like music with traffic noises. It makes me feel as though I am breaking laws and about to get in an accident, or like I am continually cutting someone off and getting honked at and fingered. Not my favorite.

Memorable Moments: I was able to talk with one of my favorite people to deliver to again. And I learnt more about her. She's a really sweet old lady who raised her two kids by herself as her husband went on some flight and was never heard from again. That's strength.

I opened this door to head down a hallway to a basement suite, as I always do on Fridays, and this wheelchair was waiting right at the door. With no one in it. I figured that either the person had left to go somewhere or the rapture had happened and the person no longer needed their wheelchair in heaven. I went with the first option and dropped the delivery in the mailbox.

Songs I Enjoyed Listening to that I would be Embarrassed about if Others Overheard them: 7

Thursday, May 11th

2006-05-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, We are Scientists

Delivered to: 11

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed: 1

Things Learnt: My memory now works on smells. Like a walk into a hallway, a memory is triggered and I say, "Hey, this smells like (fill in the blank with a name of someone I deliver to)!" How sad.

Memorable Moments: I walked down this set of stairs to deliver to a basement and there was this little, dead finch on the third to the bottom stair. It was kind of creepy and sad too. It had clearly flown into the window above the stairs and died. I don't like seeing that. I'm too sensitive.

Soap Opera Line I overheard while waiting for Someone to Write a Check: " And it doesn't matter, mom. She doesn't love me. At least not the way I love her." (but imagine poorly acted angst permeating the whole thing. Ah, daytime TV.)

Wednesday, May 10th

2006-05-10T19:10:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Bloc Party

Delivered to: 7

Conversations had: 2

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed: 1 continuous judgments throughout the whole route.

Things Learnt: Grail hunters (people who hunt for the grail, for the layperson) don't like the DaVinci Code. Weird. Doesn't everybody like that book!?

Memorable Moments: My refreshing, cool, creamy frappacino at the end of the day. Mammalicious.

Feeling I get when I think of the word "Mammalicious": Kind of creeped out but mostly just embarrassed.

Friday, May 5th (sorry, I forgot to write this one before the Monday one)

2006-05-10T19:09:00.000-07:00

What I did: Got sick, didn't go to work, puked, shivered, got really hot, got really cold again, moaned a lot and watched too much TV.

Monday, May 8th

2006-05-10T18:57:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Mobile

Delivered to: 9

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 4

Judgments Passed: 3

Things Learnt: There are parties that have started up in North American called "Cuddle Parties." You go, in pajamas (flannel is encouraged), sit around and ask people if they would like to cuddle. It is, apparently, not about sex.

Memorable Moments: There was this local realtor who was driving like a moron. She was actually all three of my passed judgments. She was weaving in and out of traffic and just being a poor driver. She was obviously in a hurry somewhere and I half expected to see a Jesus fish on her car. There wasn't but her phone number was. And I have a cell phone. Oh wow. Let me tell you how many times I wanted to call the number and leave this little message about how this person should maybe realize that driving like a drunk idiot in a vehicle with your number on it may not be that clever. But I didn't. I chickened out. I literally picked up the phone and was ready to dial the number like 4 times. I'm so weak.

There is another entry that makes no sense to me. It looks like it says "Officer in Krad." So, whatever.

Amount of Times I rolled a 10-sided dice to see if I could drive succesfully: 0, because I no longer play those kinds of games.

Wednesday, May 3rd

2006-05-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Limblifter

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed: 5

Things learnt: People who watch sports can now take out insurance on the games or tournaments that they will be watching. So, if their team loses too badly or prematurely, they may be eligible for a cash settlement. Calgary fans should have gotten that.

Memorable Moments: I saw this couple walking down the street with one another, looking as though they were on a nice stroll together. However, at closer inspection, they were both wearing MP3 players. "Hey, wanna go for a walk and completely ignore each other?" "Okay, that sounds nice."

As my notes from my day were taken about a week okay, I have one that makes no sense to me. It just says "Sleeping Lady." I will make one up. There was this lady who was prone to narcolepsy and she fell asleep as she was riding her dragon by the river. Her dragon, without a mind of it's own, began to plummet towards a gasoline factory (if such things exist). Because her dragon was breathing fire, this would be bad. So I woke her up by commanding my little bird pal to fly up to her and bite her left nostril. He did. It worked. She woke up and quickly lifted her dragon back up into the sky, narrowly avoiding the gasoline factory. Unfortunately, her dragon also farted fire and on the way up, because of the quick change in altitude, let one rip and the flames engulfed the factory, causing a huge explosion. And that was why there has been so much smoke in our town as of late. Crazy sleeping lady.

Times I played D&D as a youngster: Way too many.

Tuesday, May 2nd

2006-05-03T10:12:00.002-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, an Electronic mixed CD (feat. VNV Nation, Assemblage 23, a sweet cover of the Neverending Story theme song by a band called Echo Image, others)

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: I'll say one, with a friend that I gave a ride to.

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed (new Expanded Edition): 3

Things Learnt: Our new government does not instill confidence in me with what they have put forward for their new budget. And this year I can complain because I finally voted.

Memorable Moments: On Freestyle, they were interviewing someone who was involved with a management aspect of a restaurant owned by Alice Cooper. Apparently, Mr. Cooper (not the guy from 'Hanging with Mr. Cooper) is helping charity or something and is giving people the opportunity to trade something for a day with him. Some guy is trading a year's free rent to this woman so that he can play golf with Alice Cooper. Which leads me to a question. What would I trade for a dat with Alice Cooper and then what would I do? I think that I could trade a kidney to a needy child or something (if there was a need and I matched the person that needed it) and I would then go play paintball and make sure that Alice Cooper was on my team. And he would have to dress up in his regular stage get up, make-up and all. And then we would go for mai-tai's and laugh about how he accidentally shot me in the back and I tried to make him sing "Feed my Frankenstein" to distract the other team. What would you do?

Minutes I spent imagining that when I imagined something it came true: 8

Friday, April 28th

2006-04-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Stars, Madly off in all Directions, We Are Scientists, Freestyle, Mobile, Backstreet Boys

Delivered to: 30

Conversations had: 4 (this is, I'm pretty sure, a record)

Moments of Awkwardness: 4

Judgments Passed (I have decided to narrow this category down and be more honest about all of the judgments that I pass within I day. Maybe I'll learn something. Needless to say, I have set a new record in this category as well): 14

Things Learnt: I have found that I tend to enjoy bands that use sounds and musical creations that remind me of old nintendo games. Like one of the songs by the Postal Service makes me feel as though I am wandering around in a cave in Dragon Warrior IV. It's awesome.

Pigeons are stupid.

The elderly are can be both joyful and depressing at the same time.

Memorable Moments: I talked with this one elderly fellow for a good five or ten minutes about fishing and where he had lived in his life while his wife went to go get a check for the delivery I had for them. I was proud of myself. He was really cool.

I saw the most unbelievable mullet on some high school kid. It was short on top and a really uber long ponytail in the back. It was halfway done his back and all the way righteous.

Hair I wanted to Pet: 1

Thursday, April 27th

2006-04-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Keane, Death Cab for Cutie

Delivered to: 10

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

Things Learnt: There is a Karaoke machine out now called a Hymnal Plus. It features over 5000 hymns and other church songs or something like that so that your church or group of drunk friends can sing along to traditional hymns from eons past. Apparently, there is an MP3 player so you can add your own songs and it will even do prayers and sermons. It's like that preacher off of Futurama. Creepy but awesome.

I do not understand trade and what is involved with it at all. I heard the deal we cut with America over the soft wood lumber thing and it sounded good to me. But there are people up in arms about it. So, I think I just don't understand. Hey, why should I? I deliver stuff.

The FREEDOM tower is now under construction.

Memorable Moments: I have been neglecting a certain aspect of my job. I have not been giving all of the money I collect over to the store everyday after I am done. I have been doing it every three or four days. The boss wants it done everyday and has told me several times. I have not, at this point, changed my habits. I don't know why, I just haven't. So today, after I was left my FINAL note, the boss came in, pretended to rapidly punch me in my shoulder/solarplexes and asked if I'd done the wallet yet. I said yes. Which was true.

Wednesday, April 26th

2006-04-27T08:20:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Imogen Heap

Delivered to: 5

Conversations: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 1

Things Learnt: Apparantly, believe it or not, grapes come from dirt. Amazizing.

There are people on the internet who, if you are planning to travel somewhere, anywhere really, they will match you up with someone that has a couch and will allow you to stay at their house for free. This, to me, seems shady. There are a million things that I have thought of that are wrong with this. They are all sick. I will not share them.

Memorable Moment: I went to the hospital, to deliver something to them. I go there often, either for pickup or delivery. When I get there, I ring a doorbell, someone comes onto a speaker that asks me what I would like, I tell them, then they come to the door, open it and either give me what I am there to pick up or take from me what I have come to deliver. This time, they buzzed me in. So, I pushed the door and walked three steps in, stopped, looked around. There were three nurses sitting in a break room looking at me, obviously unsure as to why I was there. One of them said, "They let you in, huh?" I said, "Yeah, now I'm really confused because they don't ever do that." And they laughed. And sat there while I began to feel more uncomfortable. Then the person came to where I was three steps away from the front door and took my delivery. I quickly left. I really hope they don't buzz me in again. I hate hospitals.

Times I declared someone an idiot in my own head: At least five, maybe more. I'm not a very good person.

Friday, April 21st

2006-04-21T17:56:00.000-07:00

Listened to: David Crowder Band, Madly off in all Directions (Radio CBC), Canada Reads (Radio CBC), Mobile, Freestyle (Radio CBC)

Delivered to: 27

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2, and around a minute after I passed one and wished that the person would get a ticket for speeding and being a dillhole, I saw a police officer turn on their lights and go chasing after someone. I really hope it was the person I judged!

Things Learnt: In England, driving instructors are now starting to teach self-defense as well. Both in the car and hand-to-hand combat, so that people can protect themselves from road rage. That seems like a great solution. Because I'm sure that the kind of people who are susceptible to road rage are likely to respond well to someone trying to fight them.

Vetrinarians are trained to give lizards enema's. That's the coolest!

Memorable Moments: I passed by the Fairgrounds and my senses were assaulted by the largest amount of trucks and cowboy hats I've ever seen. There was a farm machine show or something like that. It was unreal.

Moments I felt the Urge to Sing that would have ended in Awkwardness: 3

Thursday, April 20th

2006-04-21T17:52:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, We are Scientists, Mark chapters 11-12

Delivered to: 10

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 0

Things Learnt: Don't eat things that are colours not usually found in nature. They are evil!

Memorable Moments: Right now. No day but today. Live the moment.

Wished my car was actually a dinosaur: 3x

Wednesday, April 19th

2006-04-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Lincoln Brewster

Delivered to: 7

Conversations had: 1, with this nice lady from Williams Lake who was waiting in the store.

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

Things Learnt: There is a band that actually exists that is called the Snotnoses. However, it is in another language so it sounds much more mysterious and romantic. Very clever.

There's some guy who makes "Spheres" for people that are like tree forts that people live in. A plasticish one costs $30,000 and a wooden one is upwards of $100,000. I say, ridiculous. And could you imagine the temptation that would be to vandalism bent young people, or older drunk/stupid people. It would be too much fun to watch roll for it to never happen.

Memorable Moments: As I was driving, I saw two young men dressed in black dress pants, white shirts and ties walking down the road looking very proper. I assume that they were Mormom Missionaries. Ah, spring.

Large Buddha Gardens Visited: 1

Tuesday, April 18th

2006-04-18T22:08:00.000-07:00

I am back, after a brief (in the grand scheme of things) hiatus. No one seemed to miss this but I will continue it anyways, as it is mainly done for my own benefit. If you receive any from it, I consider it more of a bonus.

Delivered to: Around 8

Precentage of Deliveries which were to Professionals Offices ( = no chance for a tip and hard to find parking): 40%

Listened to: Matthew Good, Third Day, A tiny bit of Freestyle

Conversations had: 1, about how I looked too young to be married.

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 3 (all big tailgating trucks. Stupids.)

Things Learnt: Really, nothing. But I could say that I learnt my car is starting to cough out a bit too much exhaust. Battlecat may be dying. I hate cars.

Memorable Moments: My route being over, so I could get home and continue learning how to play "Apparitions". It is truly exciting to me to be able to play songs that I love to listen to. Booyah!

Times I said Booyah: Just once, or twice, just now. I mean, come on, who says that?

Friday, April 7th

2006-04-08T08:43:00.000-07:00

Listened to: VNV Nation, Madly off in all Directions, some poetry contest for like a minute before I shut it off (total crap!), the new Passion worship series CD, Freestyle, United Live

Delivered to: 30

Conversations had: 3 (and they're always good on Friday, as these are the people I know the best. So many sweet old laies that just want to talk for a bit. It's good.)

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on the Walking Skills of Others: 1, as there were no bad drivers but as I was attempting to park next to the hospital in this skinny little parking lot, there were three hospital workers who had just finished work and were walking so slowly down this parking lot, in the part where I need to drive. I even subtly revved the engine a bit, just in case they hadn't noticed me, but they just kept on walking in the middle. I stand behind my life statement on this on. People are stupid.

Things Learnt: Nova Scotia is apparently one of the best places to go if you love to garage sale. You'd have to get up really early in the morning to get there from here and get the good stuff. It'd probably all be gone by then.

Russell Crowe needs professional help in a bad way.

Memorable Moments: Every Friday, one of my highlights is listening to Madly off in all Directions on CBC Radio. It's a comedy show that they do for half an hour each Friday. It's really funny, occasionally they do have a bad comedian on, and it makes me laugh, which is one of my favorite things. This week, it was a repeat, though. It was the same one that was played last week. I was choked at first, but then the comedian came on and it was this lady called Nicki Payne and she is funny. One of my faves. So, even though I'd heard it already, I listened to it again. And I laughed. Ha ha ha.

Number of desires I had to play "Frogger" in traffic: 2

Wednesday, April 5th

2006-04-08T08:34:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Imogen Heap

Delivered to: 5

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 3

Things Learnt: Apparently, people originally thought that the phone, the waltz and novels when they were introduced to society would ruin the young people. The lesson is that everyone worries about new stuff and the children, I guess. Ooooh, deep.

Memorable Moments: There was a professor on Freestyle talking about Fantasy genres within the fantasy novel world. He was saying that Harry Potter is in an entirely separate genre than Narnia or Lord of the Rings. The reason was found in the type of world found in the novel. In Narnia, the normal world is just briefly mentioned and there's this extravagant world that you can get to but you have to travel through the Wardrobe to get to it. In Harry Potter, the extraordinary world of magic is intertwined with the regular world, within view but just out of sight. It was interesting. That there is a professor who sits around thinking of these things is a little strange to me. "Hey, so what are you doing with all your schooling, having a PHd and all?" "Who me, I'm reading Harry Potter and thinking about it deeply." "Oh."

Fantasy Worlds Discovered: 0, unless you count the amazing number of Retirement centers that I go to. They're pretty fantastical.

Tuesday, April 4th

2006-04-04T18:21:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Fall Out Boy, Jimmy Eat World, Prince

Favorite Line: "Our time is borrowed and spent too freely. Every minute I have needs to be made up, but how?"

Delivered to: 9

Conversations had: 2

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 5

Things Learnt: Climbing ten flights of stairs quickly when you're out of shape makes it very difficult to hold a conversation

Memorable Moments: Being able to carry on a conversation with one lady that I deliver to occasionally who has been less than talkative most of the previous times I delivered to her. I enjoy being able to experience people warming up to me. It makes me feel nice.

Rounds of Paper, Rock, Scissors Played: 0

Monday, April 3rd

2006-04-03T22:13:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Freestyle, We Are Scientists

Delivered to: 3

Conversations had: 2 (a memorable ratio of conversations to deliveries; perhaps the best yet)

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 0, mainly because I wasn't paying attention to the bad. I was focused on the good. I didn't see much of that either, though.

Things Learnt: There are people who are passionate about pencils the way that people can be passionate about God and things that they love. I feel this is strange and somewhat sad.

Memorable Moments: I went to get a decaf coffee at 'Bucks after work, but the current decaf available was old and there were all sorts of grinds in it. So, they gave me a decaf Americano (Espresso thinned out with hot water) instead, at the same price, which is a good forty cents off. As I'm writing this, I have the strangest feeling that something like this has been a memorable moment before. Sad, that coffee can mean this to me.

Tears Shed over Hearing that Angelina walked out on Brad: 0. I mean, come on, what did the guy expect? She doesn't seem exactly stable.

Friday, March 31st

2006-04-03T22:03:00.000-07:00

Listened to: Echo Image, Madly Off in all Directions, The National Playlist (the final episode), Stephen Toon, Freestyle

Delivered to: 26

Conversations had: 4

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0 (this will be my last record of my own poor driving. I originally put it in because I knew that I was just as prone to drive poorly as the people that I passed judgments on for their lack of skills. Now, I don't really care. I feel as though I am a great driver and it will be left at that)

Things Learnt: Poo is not always a good conversation starter

Memorable Moments: I didn't write anything down and it was a while ago, so I've got nothing

Things Flung: 2

Tuesday, March 28th

2006-03-28T18:03:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle, 2 Corinthians 1-8

Delivered to: 2

Book Read while Waiting for something to Do: A Long Way Down

Conversations: 0!

Moments of Awkwardness: 0!

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 0!

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0! (the exclamation points are a desperate attempt to make my day seem much more exciting than it actually was. Seeing as how it started out with a consultation with a dentist, what else could I have expected? My cell group meeting was a high point, though.)

Things I Learnt: People have paper airplane contests. And not just when they're bored with nothing to do. They go out of their way and have national championships and such. But, I guess I can't say much. At least they have a hobby.

Memorable Moments: I gots my car washed. Its all purdy now. Yuck yuck yuck.

Children I did not hit: At least seven. Yeah, seven.

Monday, March 27th

2006-03-27T22:07:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Stars

Delivered to: 2

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0

Things I Learnt: There are classes on people watching, or some professors in University give their students assignments that involve people watching and then instruct them how to do that. This seems more stalker night school than higher education. But that's just my thought

The Kamloops newspapers are, oh, let's say, less than interesting.

Memorable Moments: My day was so terribly boring that there could not truly be any memorable moments. I delivered to two people, forgot to bring a book and then spent the rest of the time sitting around the store, reading newspapers and dying a little inside as every minute passed.

Minutes of my life I will never get Back: 120

Friday, March 24th

2006-03-26T11:33:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Death Cab for Cutie (Transatlanticism), Madly off in all Directions (radio cbc), The National Playlist (radio cbc), David Crowder Band (Illuminate), Freestyle (radio cbc) and We Are Scientists (self-titled)

Favorite Line: "Having all your questions answered really doesn't help at all. "

Delivered to: 30

Conversations had: 1 (not a friendly day)

Moments of Awkwardness: 4

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 4

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0 (or I didn't write them down. I think I'm just getting better. And because I have more time on Fridays, I'm more relaxed and a more grateful driver)

Things I Learnt: I don't really like James Brown and feel that he is somewhat overrated. But that is my personal feeling. I do not expect you to share it.

The National Playlist on CBC radio is entering it's final week and I am okay with this. The musical snobbery of the show is actually quite distressing and it makes it not that fun to listen to. But just like anything that people can vote on and have the illusion of control over, it's quite addicting.

Memorable Moments: I have one person that I deliver to who is the most difficult person to get ahold of and it causes stress and frustration in my life. This week, as I was walking to the apartment where they live on the seventh story (and they do not buzz me in, they meet me at the bottom, where I have to wait), this person was outside just getting ready to go in. I called the persons name, walked over and handed them the delivery. It was great.

I had a lot of fun watching people scatter around downtown as this rainstorm came out of nowhere and just poured on people. I was safely in my car and took the time that I was waiting at a red light to watch and be amused. Take that business core!

Fake Laughter Expressed: 2

Thursday, March 23rd

2006-03-26T11:26:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle on Radio CBC, Matthew Good (solo stuff)

Delivered to: 11

Conversations had: 0 (so, so lonely. I think it's because of my shaggy hair. Old people like nicely groomed people.)

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 3

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 2

Things I Learnt: Apparently songtapper.com is one of the most time consuming websites in the world. My personality leans towards time wasting so I have hesitated checking it out.

Rex Goudie Sucks. As well as all Canadian Idol winners, and most contestants. If I ever like one of them, I will have to become a hermit in the mountains and whip myself with pine branches until the demons leave me. I came close with Hedley. Their first song was catchy but then I saw an interview with them and wanted all of them to get herpes and die. Not Christian, but honest.

Memorable Moments: I saw this bumper sticker that was this prayer. It read, "Dear Jesus, Protect me from your followers." I laughed. Then I thought about a lot of Christians that I have driven with. I laughed again because truth is often what is most funny.

Turkeys Basted: 0

Tuesday, March 21st

2006-03-21T18:41:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestlye, Kent (the Swedish wonder band) and the new Ben Harper

Favorite Line: Something that Kent sings in broken english as the original album is in their own language and they translated this one into english. I don't get how people can do that so easily.

Delivered to: 4

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 1, I think. I looked behind me and beside me before changing lanes and did not see anybody. After I changed lanes, there was someone right behind me. I must assume, therefore, that I had cut them off. Pity.

Things Learnt: If I had Pay-Per-View, I could pay $9.95 and watch a seance where people try to communicate with the spirit of John Lennon. Oh TV. You silly thing.

Memorable Moments: Getting a really big tip (big for me). That's it. It's all about the cash and the bling with me. I'm shallow.

Protests Passed by Without Caring: 1

Friday, March 17th

2006-03-18T09:01:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Stars, Madly Off in all Directions, The National Playlist, Backstreet Boys, Freestyle, Bloc Party

Quote of the Day: "In a room that had a postcard on the door of Marini's Little Man with an erection on a horse. It always leaves me laughing"
-this made me feel weird when I heard it on Freestyle. It's a Spirit of the West song called "If Venice is Sinking". It was catchy, but, uh, yeah.

Delivered to: 38

Conversations had: 3

Awkward Moments: 5

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 3 (and one was an Army truck, so I passed it in secret. Even though it's not like they had any guns, they would just come and peacekeep me.)

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0 (I'm either doing really well, or I don't notice how bad I am. I was trained by Young Drivers of Canada! Gosh, they'd be proud.)

Things Learnt: Poodles do not fly
Apparently, at this very moment, there are upwards of 22,000 gray whales swimming past Vancouver and nobody is trying to ride one.

Memorable Moments: I think we can all agree that apartment buildings all come with a certain smell. In the past, I have found it oddly comforting. I think it's because my grandma has always lived in an apartment and we would visit her there often. But, every now and then, there can be an apartment building that has an awful, straight out of the pits of hell, smell. Today, there were two that were, let's say, less than pleasant. The first one smelled like someone had left a week old thing or orange juice by a heating vent in the lobby. It was faint, but present. The other one. Gross. The lobby and stairwell smelled like someone had taken a dump, didn't want it to go to waste, thinned it out with a bunch of tan coloured paint and then smeared it all over the walls for decorating purposes. It was all wrong.

One building complex I deliver to has a very long hallway that I have to walk down to get to my regular. There are doors lining either side and they all have doorbells with pretty little lights on them. One of the doors even has wind chimes on it. On my way back down, I actually had to fight the very strong urge to run down the hallway while pressing all the doorbells and chiming the wind chimes, all while giggling to myself. It wreally would have been fun but I go there every week and I'm 26. I figured that it wouldn't be for the best. Stupid restraint.

Number of Times I Desired to be a Child Again: At least 4, but probably more.

Thursday, March 16th

2006-03-18T08:53:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle, Stars, K-OS

Quote of the Day: "When there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire."

Delivered to: 6

Conversations: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 0

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0

Things Learnt: The movie "Dumbo" is a work of fiction and in no way is it true

Childhood Dreams Shattered: 1

Memorable Moments: So, I had some bad meat the night before and then again for lunch (not knowing that it was bad). This caused havoc within my system that did not show up until my route. I think playing squash really brought it all out, figuratively speaking. So I had this explosive need to go to the bathroom but there was really nowhere for me to go. There are many places to go but most that I would feel comfortable using in regular circumstances there is not enough privacy in. I was afraid that the explosive noise of my release (I'm trying to say this tastefully) would be heard by all who were around. This, I deduced, would be slightly embarassing. So, I just held it until I got home and promptly spent some therapeutic time in my bathroom.

Wednesday, March 15th

2006-03-15T19:46:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle, David Crowder Band

Favorite Line: "And my heart burns for You."

People Delivered to: 3 (2 were close enough to walk to. Boooorrrringggg.)

Conversations: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: I drove like two kilometers. I wasn't out long enough to judge anybody. So, 0.

My Own Bad Driving Moments: Sadly enough, 5.

Things Learnt: A lot about Biblical authority and how we, as the church, can return to interpreting and reading our Bibles correctly. (It's my book that I had a lot of time to read)

Memorable Moments: There was this interview with some guy who immigrated from the Middle East somewhere to small town Saskatchewan. He was talking about his cookbook and he was 80 or something like that. He rambled on more than anybody I've ever heard. It was awkward.

Corporate Takeovers Stopped: 2

Tuesday, March 14th

2006-03-15T19:39:00.000-08:00

Work has been entirely boring over this past week so it has been hard to record eventful things in this delivery life. But here goes...

Listened to: Freestyle, We are Scientists, K-OS

Favorite Line: Whenever K-OS raps about aliens. Dork-Hop. My fave.

Delivered to: 5

Conversations: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 1 (same as the above conversation)

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: Too many to bother counting. I was overwhelmed by suckiness.

My Own Bad Driving Moments: Flawless Victory!

Things Learnt: Apparently our society has reached new heights of laziness and developed a computer screen and program that will show you what you look like in different outfits and types of clothing. Forget microchips in the hand, this has to be related to the Apocalypse somehow.

Memorable Moments: My awkward conversation where someone I deliver to offered me a chip (Dorito, or Nacho. Name brand association. Sorry) and I said no. The conversation was fine up until that point and then it got cold. I think the person was insulted that I said no and that my refusal was a reflection upon what I thought of them. I'm not supposed to be eating junk food right now. That was why. If I refuse food from you, people I know (as opposed to the millions of others I do not know that read this amazing blog), please do not take it personally. It is not you, unless you smell. Then it is.

Squirrels Befriended: 2

Monday, March 13th

2006-03-14T07:26:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle, We are Scientists

Favorite Quote: "They're breaking both my hands, breaking both my hands and telling my to take it like a man, take it like a man, well f--- that!"

Delivered to: 2 (it was so incredibly boring. I got a lot of shopping done though)

Conversations: Surprise, surprise, 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 0

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0

Things Learnt: Slow day + Car = Other THings Accomplished

Memorable Moments: Finishing, like, two chapters in my book about Biblical authority (it was that exciting)

Shadows Boxed: 4

Friday, March 10th

2006-03-13T08:18:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Mixed CD's (feat. Jimmy Eat World, Keane, Frou Frou, Collective Soul, Bloc Party, etc.) Madly off in All Directions, The National Playlist, Freestyle

Delivered to: 25

Conversations had: 3

Moments of Awkwardness: 4

Judgments passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 7 (a bad day for our drivers)

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 3

Things Learnt: Luna the Killer Whale was killed today by a propeller from a tug boat
You can buy art prints of DNA to hang on your wall
There is a Live Action Simpsons opening that you can find on the internet

Memorable Moments:

One of the old fellows that I deliver to had obviously just finished eating something for as we were talking, just at the end of the conversation, he ended up spitting out this little chunk of food onto my jacket. I don't know if he noticed and I pretended not to until I was back at my car when I promptly wiped it off.

As I was driving down the highway, I saw what looked to me to be two dead horses in a field. They were just laying on the ground, seemingly lifeless. It was sad. But sometime during that day there must have been a faith healer or something come through town because when I drove by again they were up and running about the field. It was truly a miracle.

E-brake slides I wish I'd done: 7

Thursday, March 9th

2006-03-13T08:11:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestlye on Radion CBC, my Driving Mix (songs I love to sing, air guitar and play drums on my steering wheel to.)

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: Almost one

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 3

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0

Things Learnt: When refering to Winnie the Pooh, I will use his full name, not a shortened version of either.

Memorable Moments:

On the radio, the people were talking with a person who had set up some sort of art gallery of this artist who was the original drawer of Winnie the Pooh (not A.A. Milne). Apparently this guy was a popular political cartoonist and nobody really knows that about him now. They were talking about how he just gets associated with Pooh. And after the first minute or so, instead of saying "Winnie the..." before the Pooh part, they just used Pooh to desribe the drawings. It made for good radio, because I am a child.

Favorite Quotes from said radio show:

"I don't think he quite hated Poo(h), it just irritated him."
"They were so closely associated with Poo(h)."
"...Milne's books on Poo(h)."

Wednesday, March 8th

2006-03-13T08:07:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a while, but I have been keeping track of what's been going on with the route. So I will fill out the past three days of it now.

Listened to: A self-created 80's mix (featuring songs like St. Elmo's Fire, Take on Me, In a Big Country, Final Countdown Bon Jovi and others)

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments passed on the driving skills of others: 0

My own bad driving moments: 0

Songs I had to sing Falsetto for: 6

Things Learnt: Nothing, other than how awesome my Falsetto is.

Memorable Moments: None that I can recall

Tuesday, March 7th

2006-03-08T11:52:00.000-08:00

I didn't really keep track of anything for this day. But I can remember some of it. The rest, I will make up. I will leave it to you, the discerning reader, to figure out which is which.

Listened to: Death Cab for Cutie, Fall Out Boy (I gave CBC radio a break for today. I didn't feel like learning any useless tidbits of information from Freestyle)

People Delivered to: 2 Billion (give or take a couple)

Conversations (not about work or weather): 2, surprisingly both about the mating habits of the Australian Koala Bear

Awkward Moments: 2 Billion (give or take a couple)

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: Just one. Instead of merging properly, they rammed a car off the road, fingered them and then drove off into the sunset. How silly!

My Own Bad Driving Moments: See above.

Things I Found Funny that Probably were Not: Myself, as I write this blog. I'm so witty.

Things Learnt: Bears do not take part in dance-off's and not because they physically can't but because it demeans their majestic nature.
Nobody ever wants to play car tag

Elephants played with: 2

Memorable Moments:

Playing with elephants, duh.

Saving five babies from a burning building and receiving the key to the city because of my heroic act. The most memorable moment was then using that key to unlock everything that I could just because I could. Who gives away a key to the city? Really. Suckers.

Monday, March 6th

2006-03-08T11:51:00.000-08:00

I don't want to talk about it. Leave me alone.

Friday, March 3rd

2006-03-04T16:55:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Garbage (this is not a commentary on what I listened to, it is the band itself), Madly off in All Directions, National Playlist, Freestyle (all radio cbc)

People Delivered to: 30

Conversations (not including weather or work): 7

Awkward Moments: 2

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0 (Whattup!?)

Things I Laughed at which I Probably Shouldn't Have: 2

Learnt: Generally, Canadians have Bad Musical Taste (How else can you explain Nickelback)
People who throw an Oscar party are not worth interviewing on your radio show

Banana Peels Thrown at Passerbys: In my heart, 1. In reality, 0.

Memorable Moments:

There is this one older lady on my route that I deliver to every Friday that never talks to me and has always been very skittish whenever she has opened the door. This past Friday, though, after over two months, we actually had a conversation. She just talked. It was really neat to experience. I like it when people warm to me. It makes me feel special. Really.

There is another older lady I deliver to every Friday. When she opened her door to let me in so that I could hand her the delivery, there was a magazine on her floor. I guess it had been left for her in between her screen and regular door. And she said, "Oh look, there's my Maxim Magazine." And she picked it up. And it was a Maxim magazine, the meat magazine for guys. That was weird. I had to leave right away. It was just too funny. To each their own.

Thursday, March 2nd

2006-03-02T23:48:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle on Radion CBC, Licoln (not Punky) Brewster

People Delivered to: 14

Conversations had (excluding weather and work): 1 (and I think this is just wishful thinking)

Moments of Awkwardness: 4 (I counted one event as two because I was forced to go into a hospital, which creeps me out and makes me feel sick and all that stuff. It must stem from my childhood. I actually covered my mouth with my arm on the way down the elevator because it smelled like sick!)

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 1

Things I Laughed at which I Probably Shouldn't Have: 2

Things Learnt: Dogs don't listen when you "shush" them
Margaret Atwood is lazy and potentially germaphobic
Hospitals are creepy and nothing like they are portrayed in shows like "Scrubs" and "The West Wing"

Chipmunks Chased: Sadly, none.

Memorable Moments:

There was this song on Freestyle that was K-OS and the CBC Radio orchestra making sweet, sweet music together. It was called "Burning to Shine" or something like that. It was good. I think more hip-hop artists should do stuff with orchestras. Oh wait, then it would probably suck because most of them suck.

There was this girl at Starbucks who got a water in one of their plastic "Frappe" cups and asked for a lid because the regular coffee lids did not fit it. She got one, then went to the sugar/cream station in the back and did a bunch of stuff. I was putting my fixings into my coffee and saw her accidentally throw her lid into the garbage. She stopped, looked into the garbage, looked around, looked into the garbage, looked round again, repeated this several times over and then just grabbed a straw and left. It was humourous, but I also felt bad for her. She was clearly very new to Starbucks and, like being new to anything, did not feel comfortable there and did not know what to do. So, yes, I laughed, but I then felt badly about it.

Lastly, being in the hospital was more creepy than memorable but it makes the cut.

Wednesday, March 1st

2006-03-01T21:41:00.000-08:00

Or, as I like to call it, February 29th. And, I would like to add a new, every day category, as I have been doing this more and more. "Things I laughed at that I Probably shouldn't have".

Listened to: Freestyle on Radio CBC, The Echoing Green (Synth-pop, electronic music)

Delivered to: 8

Conversations: 1

Awkward Moments: 1

Judgments Passed on The Driving Skills of Others: 6

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 2

Things I Laughed at which I Probably Shouldn't Have: 2

Things Learnt: Some people have far too much time on their hands
People can hear the random noises you make in your car if your window is open

# of times Inspired to "Do the Robot" by my Dorky Music: 5

# of times I sang along to said music with words like "Bleepy Bloop": 7

Memorable Moments:

There was a news story on the radio about how an elderly lady had died 48 hours after she had been moved from one care home to another. There is an investigation going on looking to see if the new care home was responsible. One of the people from that care home, probably a higher up, made a statement that they, and I quote, "Did not succeed in providing her quality care". Gee, you think? Quality care, last time I checked, usually didn't involve a person "giving up the ghost" if you will. It involved a lot more sponge baths and the like. I thought it was a statement of the obvious and, because of that, was very memorable. Thank you for your time.

Tuesday, Feb. 28th

2006-03-01T13:55:00.000-08:00

I decided to not post on Monday as it was my birthday. I also chose not to keep track of my route, mainly because it's my birthday and I'll slack off if I want to. I am now 26. Too old to be a Delivery Boy? Yes. I am now a Delivery Man. I wonder what that bar-mitzvah would look like? I can only imagine...what it would be like.

Listened to: Freestyle (Radio CBC) and All Points West featuring Margaret Atwood (also Radio CBC; noticing a trend?)

People Delivered to: 2

Conversations: 1 (pretty good percentage!)

Awkward Moments: 0

Judgments passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 1 (and it was a big one. See below.)

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0 (Yeeeaaah Boooyy!)

Things Learnt:

I must, at some point in my life, preferably soon, poo in a desert and watch dung beetles roll up my poo and roll it away to turn it into a house or an appetizer.

Flipping off someone who almost killed you while driving is not as satisfying as it is made out to be.

Number of People who Desperately Leapt out of the Way of my Vehicle as it Careened Down a Busy Sidewalk: 0 (which either means this never happened or it did happen, the people couldn't jump out of the way in time and I don't count it as a bad driving moment. I'll leave the decision to you.)

Memorable Moment(s):

Almost being killed by someone who was tring to merge onto the highway when there was no merge lane and it was actually a stop sign. That was cool! And I fingered him I was so happy. Afterwards, I felt bad and in no way did it bring any satisfaction to my heart. If that's the worst thing we can do to a bad driver, no wonder people don't change their habits of stupidity. Being fingered wouldn't hurt at all.

Friday, Feb. 24th

2006-02-25T08:15:00.000-08:00

Fridays are my big days. It is the day where I deliver to the most people. And this day was very much a 'big' day. It was actually quite long, and frustrating. And I don't think I was paying attention to my details very well as my Bad Driving Moments and Judgments passed on people are quite low, which is odd. I am usually a fairly picky driver, at least for others.

Listened to: David Crowder Band, Madly Off in All Directions (CBC Radio), National Playlist (CBC Radio), Jimmy Eat World, Freestyle (Radio CBC) and Romans Chapters 1-12

Delivered to: 38

Conversations: 3

Moments of Awkwardness: 1 (this is low I'm sure. I just wasn't up on keeping track today)

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0 (but it was probably a lot higher as I got a lot of calls on my cell phone, and talking on the phone and driving is bad)

Learnt: Fridays can really, really suck

People Named Edna Delivered to: 2

Memorable Moments: Being Finished.

Thursday, Feb. 23rd

2006-02-25T08:07:00.000-08:00

Listened to: Freestyle on Radio CBC, Mark:7:24-8:30, David Crowder Band

Delivered to: 10

Conversations: Sadly, none.

Awkward Moments: 2

Judgments Passes on the Driving Skills of Others: 3

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 1

Things Learnt: Sadly, nothing. I learnt nothing.

Moments where I nearly wet myself or caused someone else to nearly wet themselves: 2
I walked through the door from a set of stairs just as someone was walking through and he freaked
Then, I was walking down a hallway and this lady was walking down the hallway too. I stopped at an apartment door to deliver, delivered, began to walk down the hallway, turned around a bit and the lady was walking like two feet behind me. Creepy!

Memorable Moments:

This is more of a shame thing. I was waiting at home base for more deliveries and Soul Decision started playing. That really bad, Canadian semi-boy band group. It was a song called "Faded." So, I got my delivery and as I was walking out of the building to my car I began to sing part of the song where the dude says, "No, no, no." There was some mock passion in my voice, as well. And people heard me. And looked at me. I pretended it didn't bother me, but it did. Yeah.

Putting the Moves On

2006-02-22T21:25:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, February 22nd: 3:15 - 5:15

Listened to: Freestyle on Radio CBC, City & Colour

People Delivered to: 3

Conversations: 1 (two half conversations really. I tried to start two separate conversations with two different people, but neither of them bit. It was awkward, which brings me to...)

Moments of Awkwardness: 2 (getting trapped in a flight of stairs comes to mind)

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 1 (more of a judgment on a building with no loading zone out front)

Own Bad Driving Moments: 1

Things Learnt: Playing the upright base is called "Plucking the Gut"

Celebrities Seen: 0 Real; 1 Local (a seven foot, one-armed basketball player at the University)

Memorable Moments:

One of the ladies on my route is just really sweet and it was nice to see her today. She was very happy today. Just a lot of fun.

There was a story on the radio about Todd Bertuzzi playing street hockey with a bunch of kids after the Canadian hockey team got eliminated from the Olympics. Apparently he was showing them a few moves, but I was unsure of the explanation by the radio announcer. He said that Bertuzzi was "putting the moves on some kids." I thought that was illegal. But it is Italy. And I really didn't know Bertuzzi was like that. I thought he just crippled people. Live and learn, I guess. Live and learn.

Tuesday Route

2006-02-21T17:50:00.000-08:00

Listened to: People talk about the government and budgets on Radio CBC; Death Cab for Cutie

Delivered to: 3

Conversations: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 3 (Pretty high ratio)

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 4

Own Bad Driving Moments: 0

Things Learnt: Don't do drugs
The Government doesn't tell us all the expenses they have
I must shave more often and maybe get a haircut

Mythical Creatures Seen: 0 (fingers crossed!)

Memorable Moments:

I had a delivery to a house in a nice neighbourhood. I drove up, rang their doorbell and waited. I heard some shuffling followed by the sound of somebody fumbling with the door. But it didn't open. So I rang the door again, making it more obvious that I was delivering something by lifting it up so it could be seen through the eye-hole. Nothing. I knocked. Nothing. So I left the delivery for them and went back to my car knowing that I had just been judged as dangerous or scary by someone. I've never had someone lock a door on me before. It was kind of sad. And ostracizing. Hurray for the state of the world!

It Begins

2006-02-21T08:28:00.000-08:00

Hello. My name is Jim and I have decided to join this thing that is called "blogging." I'm not really huge into divulging personal tidbits of information on the internet though. So I decided to change it up. I am a delivery guy, part-time. I have been doing this for the past three months or so. It is a great job. Good hours, good pay and not really that hard. I've found lately, though, that it can get somewhat tedious, as I deliver to a lot of the same people week after week. So, to keep my job interesting (or at least to attempt to) I've decided to keep track of certain things about my delivery route and right it down in this blog. It's a way for me to keep going with it, as it's a great job but I have a tendency to be a quitter, ever since my first paper route that lasted a week. So there it is. This is really for no one but myself but if you somehow find enjoyment from reading this, so be it. Many of the categories will remain the same from day to day but others will change. Be aware.

Listened to: "Freestyle" on Radio CBC; Purple Rain Soundtrack

# of people Delivered to: 6

Conversations (not about work or weather): 2

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

judgments passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

My own Bad Driving Moments: 1 (this actually occurred when I was writing down how I had passed judgment on another driver. Ironic?)

Things Learnt: Dogs actually have organized team sports that they can compete it. It's called Flyball. It has to do with catching stuff. So now, dogs have a way to feel horrible about themselves, too, by being belittled by other dogs for not being good at team sports. I wonder if the owners are like hockey parents and fight in the stands?

# of "Air" solos inspired by Purple Rain while driving: 2 drum, 1 guitar

Memorable Moments:

Starbucks was out of regular coffee and instead gave me an Americano for the same price (a whole twenty cents off). The fact that this is a memorable moments speaks volumes as to how exciting my day was.

As I was heading to my car at the tail end of my route, some guy who was walking down the street grabbed hold of a sign post, swung around it and began singing, "Singing in the Rain." I laughed.