Friday, May 19th

Listened to: David Crowder, Madly off in all Directions, Snow Patrol, Freestyle, some Pentecostal preacher

Delivered to: 30

Conversations had: 2

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgements Passed on Others: 8

Things Learnt: Don't whiz on the electric fence.

Memorable Moments: I went to the house where last week I encountered a lone whhelchair with no occupant. Today, a week later, it was the same scene. I'm starting to expect foul play but am too lackadaisical to do anything about it. C'est la vie.

Words I looked up on Merriam-Webster to use in today's blog: 1

Thursday, May 18th

It was so hot out today that my pen exploded in my car and I had nothing to keep track of my daily happenings with. Plus, because it was so hot, I really didn't want to.

Wednesday, May 17th

Listened to: Freestyle, Natasha "Say it Aint So" Beddingfield

Delivered to: 4

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on Others: 2

Things Learnt: I do not have rabies

Memorable Moments: I saw a truck drive by me that was clearly a landscaping company truck with writing on the side of it that read "Lawn and Order." Clever. So very, very clever. And really boring, just like the show. Or maybe they use the slogan as a cover up to make them appear like law abiding citizens where they really use the "landscaping" opportunities to get rid of all the people they've offed. Tricky.

Percentage of My Time I Wish my Life was more Exciting than it is: 10

Tuesday, May 16th

Listened to: Freestyle, Snow Patrol (same as the day before)

Delivered to: 3

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on Others: 0

Things Learnt: 0

Memorable Moments: 0

Hours of life I wasted today: 2

Monday, May 15th

Listened to: Freestyle, Snow Patrol

Delivered to: 10

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on Others: 5

Things Learnt: I really do not think that all semi-drivers value the sanctity of life.

Memorable Moments: There was this table that I believe came from Earl's the Restaurant that was set up on a meridian in the middle of the road with two girls sitting at it waving at all the traffic. I'm pretty sure that's illegal. I wish I could get away with things just because I was hot. What a great life that would be (sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm).

Giant trucks I saw people driving: Way too many to count in this town.

Friday, May 12th

Listened to: Mixed Cd's filled with gems of musical genius, Sounds like Canada (or something like that, some new radio show), Madly off in All Directions, Freestyle.

Delivered to: 28

Conversations had: 3

Moments of Awkwardness: 4

Judgments Passed: 8 (take that people of this city!)

Things Learnt: I am truly a small town boy at heart.

For the most part, when left to their own devices, people pretty much exclusively think of themselves.

While I like music with Nintendo noises, I do not like music with traffic noises. It makes me feel as though I am breaking laws and about to get in an accident, or like I am continually cutting someone off and getting honked at and fingered. Not my favorite.

Memorable Moments: I was able to talk with one of my favorite people to deliver to again. And I learnt more about her. She's a really sweet old lady who raised her two kids by herself as her husband went on some flight and was never heard from again. That's strength.

I opened this door to head down a hallway to a basement suite, as I always do on Fridays, and this wheelchair was waiting right at the door. With no one in it. I figured that either the person had left to go somewhere or the rapture had happened and the person no longer needed their wheelchair in heaven. I went with the first option and dropped the delivery in the mailbox.

Songs I Enjoyed Listening to that I would be Embarrassed about if Others Overheard them: 7

Thursday, May 11th

Listened to: Freestyle, We are Scientists

Delivered to: 11

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed: 1

Things Learnt: My memory now works on smells. Like a walk into a hallway, a memory is triggered and I say, "Hey, this smells like (fill in the blank with a name of someone I deliver to)!" How sad.

Memorable Moments: I walked down this set of stairs to deliver to a basement and there was this little, dead finch on the third to the bottom stair. It was kind of creepy and sad too. It had clearly flown into the window above the stairs and died. I don't like seeing that. I'm too sensitive.

Soap Opera Line I overheard while waiting for Someone to Write a Check: " And it doesn't matter, mom. She doesn't love me. At least not the way I love her." (but imagine poorly acted angst permeating the whole thing. Ah, daytime TV.)

Wednesday, May 10th

Listened to: Freestyle, Bloc Party

Delivered to: 7

Conversations had: 2

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed: 1 continuous judgments throughout the whole route.

Things Learnt: Grail hunters (people who hunt for the grail, for the layperson) don't like the DaVinci Code. Weird. Doesn't everybody like that book!?

Memorable Moments: My refreshing, cool, creamy frappacino at the end of the day. Mammalicious.

Feeling I get when I think of the word "Mammalicious": Kind of creeped out but mostly just embarrassed.

Friday, May 5th (sorry, I forgot to write this one before the Monday one)

What I did: Got sick, didn't go to work, puked, shivered, got really hot, got really cold again, moaned a lot and watched too much TV.

Monday, May 8th

Listened to: Freestyle, Mobile

Delivered to: 9

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 4

Judgments Passed: 3

Things Learnt: There are parties that have started up in North American called "Cuddle Parties." You go, in pajamas (flannel is encouraged), sit around and ask people if they would like to cuddle. It is, apparently, not about sex.

Memorable Moments: There was this local realtor who was driving like a moron. She was actually all three of my passed judgments. She was weaving in and out of traffic and just being a poor driver. She was obviously in a hurry somewhere and I half expected to see a Jesus fish on her car. There wasn't but her phone number was. And I have a cell phone. Oh wow. Let me tell you how many times I wanted to call the number and leave this little message about how this person should maybe realize that driving like a drunk idiot in a vehicle with your number on it may not be that clever. But I didn't. I chickened out. I literally picked up the phone and was ready to dial the number like 4 times. I'm so weak.

There is another entry that makes no sense to me. It looks like it says "Officer in Krad." So, whatever.

Amount of Times I rolled a 10-sided dice to see if I could drive succesfully: 0, because I no longer play those kinds of games.

Wednesday, May 3rd

Listened to: Freestyle, Limblifter

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments Passed: 5

Things learnt: People who watch sports can now take out insurance on the games or tournaments that they will be watching. So, if their team loses too badly or prematurely, they may be eligible for a cash settlement. Calgary fans should have gotten that.

Memorable Moments: I saw this couple walking down the street with one another, looking as though they were on a nice stroll together. However, at closer inspection, they were both wearing MP3 players. "Hey, wanna go for a walk and completely ignore each other?" "Okay, that sounds nice."

As my notes from my day were taken about a week okay, I have one that makes no sense to me. It just says "Sleeping Lady." I will make one up. There was this lady who was prone to narcolepsy and she fell asleep as she was riding her dragon by the river. Her dragon, without a mind of it's own, began to plummet towards a gasoline factory (if such things exist). Because her dragon was breathing fire, this would be bad. So I woke her up by commanding my little bird pal to fly up to her and bite her left nostril. He did. It worked. She woke up and quickly lifted her dragon back up into the sky, narrowly avoiding the gasoline factory. Unfortunately, her dragon also farted fire and on the way up, because of the quick change in altitude, let one rip and the flames engulfed the factory, causing a huge explosion. And that was why there has been so much smoke in our town as of late. Crazy sleeping lady.

Times I played D&D as a youngster: Way too many.

Tuesday, May 2nd

Listened to: Freestyle, an Electronic mixed CD (feat. VNV Nation, Assemblage 23, a sweet cover of the Neverending Story theme song by a band called Echo Image, others)

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: I'll say one, with a friend that I gave a ride to.

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed (new Expanded Edition): 3

Things Learnt: Our new government does not instill confidence in me with what they have put forward for their new budget. And this year I can complain because I finally voted.

Memorable Moments: On Freestyle, they were interviewing someone who was involved with a management aspect of a restaurant owned by Alice Cooper. Apparently, Mr. Cooper (not the guy from 'Hanging with Mr. Cooper) is helping charity or something and is giving people the opportunity to trade something for a day with him. Some guy is trading a year's free rent to this woman so that he can play golf with Alice Cooper. Which leads me to a question. What would I trade for a dat with Alice Cooper and then what would I do? I think that I could trade a kidney to a needy child or something (if there was a need and I matched the person that needed it) and I would then go play paintball and make sure that Alice Cooper was on my team. And he would have to dress up in his regular stage get up, make-up and all. And then we would go for mai-tai's and laugh about how he accidentally shot me in the back and I tried to make him sing "Feed my Frankenstein" to distract the other team. What would you do?

Minutes I spent imagining that when I imagined something it came true: 8