Tuesday, March 28th

Listened to: Freestyle, 2 Corinthians 1-8

Delivered to: 2

Book Read while Waiting for something to Do: A Long Way Down

Conversations: 0!

Moments of Awkwardness: 0!

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 0!

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0! (the exclamation points are a desperate attempt to make my day seem much more exciting than it actually was. Seeing as how it started out with a consultation with a dentist, what else could I have expected? My cell group meeting was a high point, though.)

Things I Learnt: People have paper airplane contests. And not just when they're bored with nothing to do. They go out of their way and have national championships and such. But, I guess I can't say much. At least they have a hobby.

Memorable Moments: I gots my car washed. Its all purdy now. Yuck yuck yuck.

Children I did not hit: At least seven. Yeah, seven.

Monday, March 27th

Listened to: Freestyle, Stars

Delivered to: 2

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0

Things I Learnt: There are classes on people watching, or some professors in University give their students assignments that involve people watching and then instruct them how to do that. This seems more stalker night school than higher education. But that's just my thought

The Kamloops newspapers are, oh, let's say, less than interesting.

Memorable Moments: My day was so terribly boring that there could not truly be any memorable moments. I delivered to two people, forgot to bring a book and then spent the rest of the time sitting around the store, reading newspapers and dying a little inside as every minute passed.

Minutes of my life I will never get Back: 120

Friday, March 24th

Listened to: Death Cab for Cutie (Transatlanticism), Madly off in all Directions (radio cbc), The National Playlist (radio cbc), David Crowder Band (Illuminate), Freestyle (radio cbc) and We Are Scientists (self-titled)

Favorite Line: "Having all your questions answered really doesn't help at all. "

Delivered to: 30

Conversations had: 1 (not a friendly day)

Moments of Awkwardness: 4

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 4

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0 (or I didn't write them down. I think I'm just getting better. And because I have more time on Fridays, I'm more relaxed and a more grateful driver)

Things I Learnt: I don't really like James Brown and feel that he is somewhat overrated. But that is my personal feeling. I do not expect you to share it.

The National Playlist on CBC radio is entering it's final week and I am okay with this. The musical snobbery of the show is actually quite distressing and it makes it not that fun to listen to. But just like anything that people can vote on and have the illusion of control over, it's quite addicting.

Memorable Moments: I have one person that I deliver to who is the most difficult person to get ahold of and it causes stress and frustration in my life. This week, as I was walking to the apartment where they live on the seventh story (and they do not buzz me in, they meet me at the bottom, where I have to wait), this person was outside just getting ready to go in. I called the persons name, walked over and handed them the delivery. It was great.

I had a lot of fun watching people scatter around downtown as this rainstorm came out of nowhere and just poured on people. I was safely in my car and took the time that I was waiting at a red light to watch and be amused. Take that business core!

Fake Laughter Expressed: 2

Thursday, March 23rd

Listened to: Freestyle on Radio CBC, Matthew Good (solo stuff)

Delivered to: 11

Conversations had: 0 (so, so lonely. I think it's because of my shaggy hair. Old people like nicely groomed people.)

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 3

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 2

Things I Learnt: Apparently songtapper.com is one of the most time consuming websites in the world. My personality leans towards time wasting so I have hesitated checking it out.

Rex Goudie Sucks. As well as all Canadian Idol winners, and most contestants. If I ever like one of them, I will have to become a hermit in the mountains and whip myself with pine branches until the demons leave me. I came close with Hedley. Their first song was catchy but then I saw an interview with them and wanted all of them to get herpes and die. Not Christian, but honest.

Memorable Moments: I saw this bumper sticker that was this prayer. It read, "Dear Jesus, Protect me from your followers." I laughed. Then I thought about a lot of Christians that I have driven with. I laughed again because truth is often what is most funny.

Turkeys Basted: 0

Tuesday, March 21st

Listened to: Freestlye, Kent (the Swedish wonder band) and the new Ben Harper

Favorite Line: Something that Kent sings in broken english as the original album is in their own language and they translated this one into english. I don't get how people can do that so easily.

Delivered to: 4

Conversations had: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 1, I think. I looked behind me and beside me before changing lanes and did not see anybody. After I changed lanes, there was someone right behind me. I must assume, therefore, that I had cut them off. Pity.

Things Learnt: If I had Pay-Per-View, I could pay $9.95 and watch a seance where people try to communicate with the spirit of John Lennon. Oh TV. You silly thing.

Memorable Moments: Getting a really big tip (big for me). That's it. It's all about the cash and the bling with me. I'm shallow.

Protests Passed by Without Caring: 1

Friday, March 17th

Listened to: Stars, Madly Off in all Directions, The National Playlist, Backstreet Boys, Freestyle, Bloc Party

Quote of the Day: "In a room that had a postcard on the door of Marini's Little Man with an erection on a horse. It always leaves me laughing"
-this made me feel weird when I heard it on Freestyle. It's a Spirit of the West song called "If Venice is Sinking". It was catchy, but, uh, yeah.

Delivered to: 38

Conversations had: 3

Awkward Moments: 5

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 3 (and one was an Army truck, so I passed it in secret. Even though it's not like they had any guns, they would just come and peacekeep me.)

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0 (I'm either doing really well, or I don't notice how bad I am. I was trained by Young Drivers of Canada! Gosh, they'd be proud.)

Things Learnt: Poodles do not fly
Apparently, at this very moment, there are upwards of 22,000 gray whales swimming past Vancouver and nobody is trying to ride one.

Memorable Moments: I think we can all agree that apartment buildings all come with a certain smell. In the past, I have found it oddly comforting. I think it's because my grandma has always lived in an apartment and we would visit her there often. But, every now and then, there can be an apartment building that has an awful, straight out of the pits of hell, smell. Today, there were two that were, let's say, less than pleasant. The first one smelled like someone had left a week old thing or orange juice by a heating vent in the lobby. It was faint, but present. The other one. Gross. The lobby and stairwell smelled like someone had taken a dump, didn't want it to go to waste, thinned it out with a bunch of tan coloured paint and then smeared it all over the walls for decorating purposes. It was all wrong.

One building complex I deliver to has a very long hallway that I have to walk down to get to my regular. There are doors lining either side and they all have doorbells with pretty little lights on them. One of the doors even has wind chimes on it. On my way back down, I actually had to fight the very strong urge to run down the hallway while pressing all the doorbells and chiming the wind chimes, all while giggling to myself. It wreally would have been fun but I go there every week and I'm 26. I figured that it wouldn't be for the best. Stupid restraint.

Number of Times I Desired to be a Child Again: At least 4, but probably more.

Thursday, March 16th

Listened to: Freestyle, Stars, K-OS

Quote of the Day: "When there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire."

Delivered to: 6

Conversations: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 0

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0

Things Learnt: The movie "Dumbo" is a work of fiction and in no way is it true

Childhood Dreams Shattered: 1

Memorable Moments: So, I had some bad meat the night before and then again for lunch (not knowing that it was bad). This caused havoc within my system that did not show up until my route. I think playing squash really brought it all out, figuratively speaking. So I had this explosive need to go to the bathroom but there was really nowhere for me to go. There are many places to go but most that I would feel comfortable using in regular circumstances there is not enough privacy in. I was afraid that the explosive noise of my release (I'm trying to say this tastefully) would be heard by all who were around. This, I deduced, would be slightly embarassing. So, I just held it until I got home and promptly spent some therapeutic time in my bathroom.

Wednesday, March 15th

Listened to: Freestyle, David Crowder Band

Favorite Line: "And my heart burns for You."

People Delivered to: 3 (2 were close enough to walk to. Boooorrrringggg.)

Conversations: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: I drove like two kilometers. I wasn't out long enough to judge anybody. So, 0.

My Own Bad Driving Moments: Sadly enough, 5.

Things Learnt: A lot about Biblical authority and how we, as the church, can return to interpreting and reading our Bibles correctly. (It's my book that I had a lot of time to read)

Memorable Moments: There was this interview with some guy who immigrated from the Middle East somewhere to small town Saskatchewan. He was talking about his cookbook and he was 80 or something like that. He rambled on more than anybody I've ever heard. It was awkward.

Corporate Takeovers Stopped: 2

Tuesday, March 14th

Work has been entirely boring over this past week so it has been hard to record eventful things in this delivery life. But here goes...

Listened to: Freestyle, We are Scientists, K-OS

Favorite Line: Whenever K-OS raps about aliens. Dork-Hop. My fave.

Delivered to: 5

Conversations: 1

Moments of Awkwardness: 1 (same as the above conversation)

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: Too many to bother counting. I was overwhelmed by suckiness.

My Own Bad Driving Moments: Flawless Victory!

Things Learnt: Apparently our society has reached new heights of laziness and developed a computer screen and program that will show you what you look like in different outfits and types of clothing. Forget microchips in the hand, this has to be related to the Apocalypse somehow.

Memorable Moments: My awkward conversation where someone I deliver to offered me a chip (Dorito, or Nacho. Name brand association. Sorry) and I said no. The conversation was fine up until that point and then it got cold. I think the person was insulted that I said no and that my refusal was a reflection upon what I thought of them. I'm not supposed to be eating junk food right now. That was why. If I refuse food from you, people I know (as opposed to the millions of others I do not know that read this amazing blog), please do not take it personally. It is not you, unless you smell. Then it is.

Squirrels Befriended: 2

Monday, March 13th

Listened to: Freestyle, We are Scientists

Favorite Quote: "They're breaking both my hands, breaking both my hands and telling my to take it like a man, take it like a man, well f--- that!"

Delivered to: 2 (it was so incredibly boring. I got a lot of shopping done though)

Conversations: Surprise, surprise, 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 0

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 0

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0

Things Learnt: Slow day + Car = Other THings Accomplished

Memorable Moments: Finishing, like, two chapters in my book about Biblical authority (it was that exciting)

Shadows Boxed: 4

Friday, March 10th

Listened to: Mixed CD's (feat. Jimmy Eat World, Keane, Frou Frou, Collective Soul, Bloc Party, etc.) Madly off in All Directions, The National Playlist, Freestyle

Delivered to: 25

Conversations had: 3

Moments of Awkwardness: 4

Judgments passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 7 (a bad day for our drivers)

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 3

Things Learnt: Luna the Killer Whale was killed today by a propeller from a tug boat
You can buy art prints of DNA to hang on your wall
There is a Live Action Simpsons opening that you can find on the internet

Memorable Moments:

One of the old fellows that I deliver to had obviously just finished eating something for as we were talking, just at the end of the conversation, he ended up spitting out this little chunk of food onto my jacket. I don't know if he noticed and I pretended not to until I was back at my car when I promptly wiped it off.

As I was driving down the highway, I saw what looked to me to be two dead horses in a field. They were just laying on the ground, seemingly lifeless. It was sad. But sometime during that day there must have been a faith healer or something come through town because when I drove by again they were up and running about the field. It was truly a miracle.

E-brake slides I wish I'd done: 7

Thursday, March 9th

Listened to: Freestlye on Radion CBC, my Driving Mix (songs I love to sing, air guitar and play drums on my steering wheel to.)

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: Almost one

Moments of Awkwardness: 1

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 3

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0

Things Learnt: When refering to Winnie the Pooh, I will use his full name, not a shortened version of either.

Memorable Moments:

On the radio, the people were talking with a person who had set up some sort of art gallery of this artist who was the original drawer of Winnie the Pooh (not A.A. Milne). Apparently this guy was a popular political cartoonist and nobody really knows that about him now. They were talking about how he just gets associated with Pooh. And after the first minute or so, instead of saying "Winnie the..." before the Pooh part, they just used Pooh to desribe the drawings. It made for good radio, because I am a child.

Favorite Quotes from said radio show:

"I don't think he quite hated Poo(h), it just irritated him."
"They were so closely associated with Poo(h)."
"...Milne's books on Poo(h)."

Wednesday, March 8th

I haven't posted in a while, but I have been keeping track of what's been going on with the route. So I will fill out the past three days of it now.

Listened to: A self-created 80's mix (featuring songs like St. Elmo's Fire, Take on Me, In a Big Country, Final Countdown Bon Jovi and others)

Delivered to: 6

Conversations had: 0

Moments of Awkwardness: 2

Judgments passed on the driving skills of others: 0

My own bad driving moments: 0

Songs I had to sing Falsetto for: 6

Things Learnt: Nothing, other than how awesome my Falsetto is.

Memorable Moments: None that I can recall

Tuesday, March 7th

I didn't really keep track of anything for this day. But I can remember some of it. The rest, I will make up. I will leave it to you, the discerning reader, to figure out which is which.

Listened to: Death Cab for Cutie, Fall Out Boy (I gave CBC radio a break for today. I didn't feel like learning any useless tidbits of information from Freestyle)

People Delivered to: 2 Billion (give or take a couple)

Conversations (not about work or weather): 2, surprisingly both about the mating habits of the Australian Koala Bear

Awkward Moments: 2 Billion (give or take a couple)

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: Just one. Instead of merging properly, they rammed a car off the road, fingered them and then drove off into the sunset. How silly!

My Own Bad Driving Moments: See above.

Things I Found Funny that Probably were Not: Myself, as I write this blog. I'm so witty.

Things Learnt: Bears do not take part in dance-off's and not because they physically can't but because it demeans their majestic nature.
Nobody ever wants to play car tag

Elephants played with: 2

Memorable Moments:

Playing with elephants, duh.

Saving five babies from a burning building and receiving the key to the city because of my heroic act. The most memorable moment was then using that key to unlock everything that I could just because I could. Who gives away a key to the city? Really. Suckers.

Monday, March 6th

I don't want to talk about it. Leave me alone.

Friday, March 3rd

Listened to: Garbage (this is not a commentary on what I listened to, it is the band itself), Madly off in All Directions, National Playlist, Freestyle (all radio cbc)

People Delivered to: 30

Conversations (not including weather or work): 7

Awkward Moments: 2

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0 (Whattup!?)

Things I Laughed at which I Probably Shouldn't Have: 2

Learnt: Generally, Canadians have Bad Musical Taste (How else can you explain Nickelback)
People who throw an Oscar party are not worth interviewing on your radio show

Banana Peels Thrown at Passerbys: In my heart, 1. In reality, 0.

Memorable Moments:

There is this one older lady on my route that I deliver to every Friday that never talks to me and has always been very skittish whenever she has opened the door. This past Friday, though, after over two months, we actually had a conversation. She just talked. It was really neat to experience. I like it when people warm to me. It makes me feel special. Really.

There is another older lady I deliver to every Friday. When she opened her door to let me in so that I could hand her the delivery, there was a magazine on her floor. I guess it had been left for her in between her screen and regular door. And she said, "Oh look, there's my Maxim Magazine." And she picked it up. And it was a Maxim magazine, the meat magazine for guys. That was weird. I had to leave right away. It was just too funny. To each their own.

Thursday, March 2nd

Listened to: Freestyle on Radion CBC, Licoln (not Punky) Brewster

People Delivered to: 14

Conversations had (excluding weather and work): 1 (and I think this is just wishful thinking)

Moments of Awkwardness: 4 (I counted one event as two because I was forced to go into a hospital, which creeps me out and makes me feel sick and all that stuff. It must stem from my childhood. I actually covered my mouth with my arm on the way down the elevator because it smelled like sick!)

Judgments Passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 2

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 1

Things I Laughed at which I Probably Shouldn't Have: 2

Things Learnt: Dogs don't listen when you "shush" them
Margaret Atwood is lazy and potentially germaphobic
Hospitals are creepy and nothing like they are portrayed in shows like "Scrubs" and "The West Wing"

Chipmunks Chased: Sadly, none.

Memorable Moments:

There was this song on Freestyle that was K-OS and the CBC Radio orchestra making sweet, sweet music together. It was called "Burning to Shine" or something like that. It was good. I think more hip-hop artists should do stuff with orchestras. Oh wait, then it would probably suck because most of them suck.

There was this girl at Starbucks who got a water in one of their plastic "Frappe" cups and asked for a lid because the regular coffee lids did not fit it. She got one, then went to the sugar/cream station in the back and did a bunch of stuff. I was putting my fixings into my coffee and saw her accidentally throw her lid into the garbage. She stopped, looked into the garbage, looked around, looked into the garbage, looked round again, repeated this several times over and then just grabbed a straw and left. It was humourous, but I also felt bad for her. She was clearly very new to Starbucks and, like being new to anything, did not feel comfortable there and did not know what to do. So, yes, I laughed, but I then felt badly about it.

Lastly, being in the hospital was more creepy than memorable but it makes the cut.

Wednesday, March 1st

Or, as I like to call it, February 29th. And, I would like to add a new, every day category, as I have been doing this more and more. "Things I laughed at that I Probably shouldn't have".

Listened to: Freestyle on Radio CBC, The Echoing Green (Synth-pop, electronic music)

Delivered to: 8

Conversations: 1

Awkward Moments: 1

Judgments Passed on The Driving Skills of Others: 6

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 2

Things I Laughed at which I Probably Shouldn't Have: 2

Things Learnt: Some people have far too much time on their hands
People can hear the random noises you make in your car if your window is open

# of times Inspired to "Do the Robot" by my Dorky Music: 5

# of times I sang along to said music with words like "Bleepy Bloop": 7

Memorable Moments:

There was a news story on the radio about how an elderly lady had died 48 hours after she had been moved from one care home to another. There is an investigation going on looking to see if the new care home was responsible. One of the people from that care home, probably a higher up, made a statement that they, and I quote, "Did not succeed in providing her quality care". Gee, you think? Quality care, last time I checked, usually didn't involve a person "giving up the ghost" if you will. It involved a lot more sponge baths and the like. I thought it was a statement of the obvious and, because of that, was very memorable. Thank you for your time.

Tuesday, Feb. 28th

I decided to not post on Monday as it was my birthday. I also chose not to keep track of my route, mainly because it's my birthday and I'll slack off if I want to. I am now 26. Too old to be a Delivery Boy? Yes. I am now a Delivery Man. I wonder what that bar-mitzvah would look like? I can only imagine...what it would be like.

Listened to: Freestyle (Radio CBC) and All Points West featuring Margaret Atwood (also Radio CBC; noticing a trend?)

People Delivered to: 2

Conversations: 1 (pretty good percentage!)

Awkward Moments: 0

Judgments passed on the Driving Skills of Others: 1 (and it was a big one. See below.)

My Own Bad Driving Moments: 0 (Yeeeaaah Boooyy!)

Things Learnt:

I must, at some point in my life, preferably soon, poo in a desert and watch dung beetles roll up my poo and roll it away to turn it into a house or an appetizer.

Flipping off someone who almost killed you while driving is not as satisfying as it is made out to be.

Number of People who Desperately Leapt out of the Way of my Vehicle as it Careened Down a Busy Sidewalk: 0 (which either means this never happened or it did happen, the people couldn't jump out of the way in time and I don't count it as a bad driving moment. I'll leave the decision to you.)

Memorable Moment(s):

Almost being killed by someone who was tring to merge onto the highway when there was no merge lane and it was actually a stop sign. That was cool! And I fingered him I was so happy. Afterwards, I felt bad and in no way did it bring any satisfaction to my heart. If that's the worst thing we can do to a bad driver, no wonder people don't change their habits of stupidity. Being fingered wouldn't hurt at all.